Rutted

I had so many things I had intended on accomplishing tonight with BB at XH's for the night. I was going to get on treadmill, shower, finally get my breast pump washed up, apply for my EI, bake a batch of muffins, etc. And now that it's just me and BG here, I feel exhausted. Physically, I'm more tired today than I have been since before BG was born. Emotionally, I'm spent. I feel guilty over not getting these things done tonight, especially since it's going to be a week before I have another "break" like this, but I think I need to just spend the evening doing what feels right. Maybe crying a little (yep, here come the tears), feeling a little sorry for myself, eating some ice cream, etc. Spend the evening in bed with BG and maybe catch up on some emails that I owe people. (My mother would tell me that I should be working on my thank-you cards. One more thing hanging over my head.) I've worked so hard since January to get myself out of the rut, that I feel so scared on nights like tonight when I feel myself slipping back into it. Maybe I should get BG dressed up and head into town or something... sure it's not accomplishing what I set out to do tonight, but maybe my mental health needs the trip out of the house? Ugh, but no, my face looks creepy, so no unnecessary trips to town for me. Be strong, cuddles.