We haven't tried to host Christmas at our place since.
...Until this year.
But, I'm going into this a bit more relaxed. My first and foremost priority is BB. I don't want his memories of his childhood Christmases to be of mommy snapping at everyone and rushing around all day. So I'm planning to keep my cool, and make the day all about him. Because, for us, and our entire family I'm sure, it is all about BB. I told myself that I have no expectations for the day, other than for BB to have a good day.
But I realized today that I did have some expectations that I wasn't aware of. I found out that my brother may not be here for Christmas. I totally can understand that he might be spending Christmas with his girlfriend's family; however, I still felt disappointed that he might be missing BB's first Christmas. In all of my mental images of Christmas day, he was always there. I feel bad that I don't get to see much of him, even though he lives here in town. I feel bad that he isn't spending a lot of time with BB. We've asked him to take BB if the unthinkable ever happens to us. I wish that he had more time to spend with him now, so that they have a fab relationship if something terrible ever were to happen.
I'm trying to let go of the expectations that I didn't even realize that I had for this Christmas.