Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Technical Difficulties

Saturday night we did the Earth Hour thing. Most people just turn out their lights for an hour. We go around the house and turn off everything that could possibly be using electricity. Computers, lights, TV, stereo, etc. We don't just acknowledge Earth Hour, we salute it.

Slauting it wasn't such a good idea, apparently. When DH switched the thingy for our satellite Internet back on, it killed a piece on our satellite that has previously been replaced three times already. (And we've only had this Internet service for a little over three years!) The first time the ISP paid for it. The second time we had to pay for the labour. The last time we had to pay for both the part and the labour... over 500$. This time, if they try to make us pay for it again, we're canceling. *sigh* It's not as fast as high-speed, but it's certainly better than dial-up, which is what I'm using right now. *double sigh* Dial-up on my old old iBook. *triple sigh* This computer can't even keep up with my typing. I type a sentence and then wait for it to appear on the screen.

Why am I not using the new computer I got before Christmas? Because it doesn't have a modem. Apparently people don't use modems during these modern times. It seems that the computer making company doesn't realize that some people still live in places where you actually need to dial in to access the Internet.

Rumour has it that Rogers is bringing high-speed our way by the fall. We've seen some trucks stringing up new wire along our road, so hopefully that's what is in the works. If DH can't convince the nice people at Xplornet to cover the cost of fixing this faulty part, you may not be hearing much from me for a while. :(

Friday, March 27, 2009

Mr. Sun!

Yesterday afternoon, BB and I got out for a walk!  It was +9C!  It was our first outing in The Settlement since early last fall and it felt fantastic!  BB even let me give his little face a good coating of sun-block before we left the house!  He refused to wear his sunglasses though.  Hopefully I can get him into that habit sooner rather than later.  

I'd like to try to find a stroller where he faces me rather than the one we have where he faces away from me.  It's hard to chat with him when he's facing away.  I have to raise my voice louder than I'd prefer to talk to him, I can't see his reaction to what I'm saying, and I can't see exactly what he's looking at to talk with him about it.  

About half way through our 30 minute walk he let out a little shriek.  I started to panic thinking that we were too far away from home for him to throw a fit!  But it was the beginning of him joining me in the conversation.  The rest of the walk home he chattered away with his usual, 'Ba ba ba' and 'Da da da', sprinkled with some 'Ya ya ya' and 'La la la'.  

I felt so fantastic after we returned home!  I had so much energy--completely rejuvenated!  I've always said that I'm a child of the summer, and even though there's still oodles of snow on the ground, it didn't matter because the sun felt sooo good.  It felt as if it was promising me that we'd be together again soon.  Cuddles + Mr. Sun = True Love Always  ;o)  (Don't worry folks, I always use protection in the form of sun-block when fooling around with Mr. Sun.  I hope you all do too!)

I had hoped to repeat the experience today as the temperature is supposed to be in the same range; however, Mr. Sun has hardly made an appearance today.  I felt that with all the snow on the ground it might be a bit chilly for BB to sit in his stroller for half of an hour.  However, the next warm summer day, you can bet we'll be hitting the pavement... er, the chipseal in our case! 

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

#100! 1 to 25 - The Good, The Bad, The Fugly

I'm no longer AWOL!  I've been battling a huge dose of negativity combined with stress recently and as a result haven't been feeling much like blogging.  And I also knew that my next post (this post!) is number 100, so I wanted to make sure it was a special one... not one ranting about all of my worries.  Perhaps my next post will address those topics.  hehe.  

A short while ago, I did the 25 random things list on Facebook that everyone else was doing at the time.  I said a while ago that I wanted to do a 100 random things list but I can't seem to find the time to finish it, even using the FB list as a starter.  I realized I was stressing about it.  Seriously.  Then I reminded myself that my blog should NOT stress me out!  So, I've compromised with myself.  I'm doing instalments of 25 at a time.  The first 25 are based on the list I did for FB, some are updated, some have more detail than I posted on FB, some are completely new from the list I posted on FB.  

Without further ado... 

1. I gained 60 lbs while I was pregnant. I lost about 20 of it within three days of having BB. I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time he was about six months old. I'm still working on my pre-pregnancy body.

2. I hated school in grade one. I hated not being at home with my mom and brother. Also, I used to look ahead in my school books and worry about assignments we hadn't even reached yet... I particularly remember having a huge meltdown over one in my Language Arts workbook. And if we had a supply teacher, I'd have yet another melt-down because I didn't handle the unexpected change well.  I still don't handle unexpected change well.

3. I love to bake. Yet I never seem to have enough time to do this as often as I'd like.

4. I love knitting. Again, I don't seem to have enough time for this either. I'd love to have the time to do a big project from beginning to end. As it is, I stick to smaller ones in hopes that I might actually complete them... even that doesn't always happen.

5. I'm proud that I am breastfeeding BB, and I had hoped that we would be able to keep at it until he is at least two years old. Now that we're planning on BN2, I'm not sure how or if this goal is going to work out.  I'm already hearing comments that make it seem like I should have stopped by now, but I'm not going to let them get me down. The benefits to him far outweigh society's poo-pooing at us..

6. I cannot do dishes without wearing rubber gloves. I can't stand dishwater scum and pruney fingers.

7. I wish I could go back to school to become a dietician or something along that line.

8. I am very scared of heights. Very. I'm kind of like a cat--I can get up, but can't get back down.

9. Even while I was pregnant, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to be a mother. Now it frightens me to think that I almost missed out on all of this.

10. I have five dogs and a cat. Only the cat and two of the dogs were planned. The other three dogs just "happened." 

11. When asked, I'll usually say my favourite colour is black, but I really don't have a favourite.

12. I make all of BB's baby food myself. I have never opened a jar of food for him. He has never been fed processed food. I know he will not always eat as healthy, but as long as I am able to choose what goes into his little body, he's going to get the best foods possible.

13. I worry about whether people like me, more than I probably should. But once I have confirmation that they do not like me, I am able to write them off.

14. I often feel like I lack the sensor between my brain and my mouth. Later I replay the conversations I've had and the things I've said, and worry that I've said something that someone took the wrong way.

15. I don't like team sports because I don't like relying on other people when it comes to winning. Yet, I did enjoy flyball, but there's so much more to that particular game than just winning. But winning is good too. :)

16. I broke up with my boyfriend in grade 10 because his grandfather bought him a leather jacket.  It was black and covered in shiny zippers.  I could smell him coming.... that awful cheap leather smell mixed with cigarette smoke.  People were making fun of him and I was embarrassed to be seen with him.  I wasn't all that fond of him after four months together, and he was cheating on me (unless his father really *was* putting those hickeys on his neck with the vacuum cleaner??) but the jacket cinched it.  

17. Turning 25 was very depressing for me. Turning 30 didn't bother me at all. 

18. I took sewing in grade nine, and took another sewing course a few years ago, and I still don't know how to sew. I'd really love to learn. And I know I can do it, I just need someone who is willing and able to teach me.

19. I had awesome marks through elementary school and junior high, but in high school I stopped worrying about being the best in the class. I was only a face in the crowd at FHS, and I felt that I had no motivation to excel. Passing was good enough for me. The only classes I really cared about doing exceptionally well in were my business classes. 

20. In high school I wanted to be a funeral home director; however, I knew that I wasn't ready to move away to Nova Scotia on my own to take the course. Instead, I settled on Business Tech at NBCC.

21. I think that my brother "gets" me more than anyone else. 

22. When I first started using Facebook, I was constantly 'writing' status updates in my head.  I don't do this very often now; instead, I am always 'writing' blog entries in my head.  But when I sit down in front of my computer I either can't remember what I intended to write about or the words come out all wrong on the screen.

23. My favourite band is Barenaked Ladies. My favourite concert EVER was their concert in Saint John in 2007. I even have a CD of the concert, and I think I have every word from the concert memorized. 

24. I miss being pregnant and can't wait to be pregnant again.  Even though I know I'm not pregnant yet, I keep thinking like I am. 

25. I love a rich, bold, dark-roasted coffee. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Cold, Boob, Heart

Yeah, there's a catchy title.  ;o)

We've had a busy few days.  BB celebrated his ten month birthday on Sunday by coming down with a rotten cold.  This is only his second cold ever, so I'm definitely NOT complaining.  But I do feel terrible for him.  This cold is significantly worse than the cold he had in October.  It's obvious that he doesn't "get" why he feels so terrible.  I've been pondering the fact that he's only had two colds in the past ten months.  Is it because he has a great immune system (with special thanks to breastfeeding), or is it because he hasn't been exposed to enough germs?  I'm sure there's no way for me to know the answer, just something I've been thinking about.

I celebrated BB's ten month birthday by getting a blocked milk duct.  It wasn't really painful, but very disconcerting and scary.  It happened around 13:00.  I started feeding BB and by the end of his feeding, my right breast had a very hard area above my nipple.  I, of course, started to panic.  I searched online for the symptoms of mastitis, but it didn't seem possible since I didn't have a temperature and the hard area wasn't sore or red.  And at that point, I didn't realize that a blocked duct was different from mastitis.  I tried to get some rest, spent some time in the shower with the warm water running on it, applied warm compresses, tried pumping and massage.  Because of BB's cold, he was barely nursing, so he wasn't much help in trying to move things along.  It wasn't getting any better and I was becoming quite frightened.  After we put BB to bed for the night, I called the Mother/Baby General Info Hotline at the DECRH.  I wasn't sure if it was the right place to turn, since BB is ten months old, but I knew that if I called Telecare, I'd end up talking to someone with limited knowledge about breastfeeding (perhaps even less knowledge than I have!), and every time I've ever called Telecare, I'm told to see a doctor within two hours--without fail--and then when I see the doctor, they just shake their head because it really wasn't a dire emergency.  The person I spoke with at the Mother/Baby line was very helpful and assured me that it was okay to call that number with a breastfeeding issue as there is really no other place for me to get help.  She explained that it was a blocked duct, and encouraged me to continue with the measures I had been taking, and told me to keep with it until it finally let go.  I worked at it from 20:00 until 23:00.  At that point I had managed to move it to my nipple (yep, I could actually SEE the blockage), but couldn't get it the rest of the way.  I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, so decided that rest would probably be the best option at that point.  When BB woke up at 04:30 he managed to finish unblocking it for me.  I was a very grateful momma!  I've been very fortunate to not have any breastfeeding issues up until this point...  I've often felt like a lot of the people around me have been waiting for me to fail at it, so I was very discouraged when this happened.  I've very very glad that everything seems to be okay now though.

I need to mention how supportive DH was during the whole blocked-duct-ordeal.  He took BB out for a drive late in the afternoon so I could have a nap.  (It's the first time BB has left the house without me!  I was a bit nervous, but they both returned safe & sound!)  He sat up with me until I decided to call it a night.  He fetched the hot water bottle, reheated the Magic Bag, kept me company in the bathroom while I stood in the shower, and even offered to try pumping for me when my hand got tired.  :)  I tend to only share my gripes about him on here.  He's really a good guy.  :)

BB's cold seems to be considerably better today.  He had a temperature at bed time last night, but when we checked it at 03:15 this morning he was back to normal.  His nose is leaking less today, so that's awesome.  

I had a bit of an upsetting convo with my dad last night.  He called to check on BB and mentioned that he has stopped taking his cholesterol medication.  He's been on it for several years now (11 maybe?) and his joints have been bothering him a lot recently.  Because of his work, he's very active, and is definitely not out of shape.  He heard of some relatives who stopped taking their cholesterol meds, and they're not having joint problems anymore.  He says he stopped taking his this weekend, and the next morning he was able to get out of bed without any problem.  I suggested that he should discuss this with the doctor, and he seemed to think that if he just started watching his diet he could stay off them.  If he had watched his diet in the first place he may not have ended up on them!  And mom mentioned in an email yesterday that she and dad had Chinese food one night this weekend - does this count as watching your diet?!  He seems to think that he'd rather die of a heart attack than be uncomfortable all of the time.  I want BB to grow up with his grampy in his life.  And the other thing is, who says he'll die of a heart attack?  Maybe he'll end up with heart problems, and not be able to enjoy his quality of life because he has to take it easy all the time?  It's not black and white.  I totally get the fact that he wants to be free from pain, but I really think he needs to discuss all of this with his doctor.  Unfortunately, his doctor is the same doctor I go to... he's retiring in a year.  He isn't exactly "with it."  But in the current situation our health-care system is in, you can't just jump ship and go to a new doctor.  I voiced my opinion.  I cannot nag.  He will only tune me out.  I need to let him be an adult and handle this.  But in the meantime, I will worry.  Because it seems to be what I do.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Once upon a time, I spent a week chatting online with a boy I met on matchmaker.com.  He spent a considerable amount of time pestering me to meet him.  Nine years ago today I finally caved and told him to come over to watch The Simpsons with me that night.  

Five years ago today I married the same boy.  

Forty-three weeks ago today our baby boy joined our world.

Four nights ago we decided that we will be having another baby.  

And I am a very happy girl.  :)

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Mmmmm... Donuts

I want a Tim Horton's chocolate dipped donut.  Not one.  Six.  Maybe even a dozen.  I'm not a fan of Timmy Ho's coffee, but wow, I'm craving one of their donuts right now.  I don't think I've had one since the last tournament I went away to...  about a year and a half ago.   

I've been a bottomless pit the past two days.  I can't get enough to eat.  Yet the scales keep going lower and lower.  I now weigh less than I did when I got pregnant.  The difference is that I was fit and had muscle when I got pregnant.  Right now, it's all saggy and droopy.  But tonight when I was stripping down to get in the shower, I glimpsed myself and was surprised at how thin I am beneath the droopiness.  I think I ate about a half dozen muffins yesterday.  Thank goodness I'm making quadruple batches of them right now.  I've credited breast feeding for helping me to lose all of the pregnancy weight, so I guess I have BB's ravenous appetite to thank for the continuing loss.  It's the only explanation I can come up with for the insatiable hunger I've been feeling these past two days.  

I had my yearly dentist appointment today.  I really like my dentist, but I truly hate the dentist.  Does that make sense?  She's really nice, but I had a dentist as a kid who wrecked me for life when it comes to dentists.  I've also had a terrible, skin-crawling GP experience too, that I've been having a lot of flashbacks to recently, but I digress.  That's a topic for another post.  Maybe.  I was happy to hear that I once again don't have any cavities, so I (hopefully) won't have to set foot in her office for another year.  Next year I'm taking BB with me for his first appointment, so I'll have to pretend that I LOVE being poked, prodded and scraped.  It should be fun.  One neat thing about today's appointment is that she smoothed out my front teeth.  Sounds weird, I know.  I broke my tooth when I was a kid, and instead of putting a real cap on the tooth, they just kind of built one out of white filling material.  Anyway, the current fake tooth I sport seemed to have become a bit rough over the last couple of years (she says it happens with the white fillings sometimes) so she buffed it out.  It looks better and feels really smooth when I rub my tongue over it.  BB is always running his tongue over his new front teeth, and I had to chuckle when I caught myself doing the same thing tonight.

BB now has four teeth on top and four on bottom.  I finally managed to get a finger in his mouth this morning (the first time in a couple of days that he would let me) and the remaining two that were just under the skin have now broken through.  Maybe maybe maybe we'll have a good night sleep again sometime soon?  I don't mind if he needs to get up once, I get that.  He's a baby.  It's okay that he gave us 13 hours of consecutive sleep for 17 days in a row when he was three months old, and then took it away from us.  But having to get up with him two or three times a night right now, plus waking up for the day at 05:00 or earlier is really starting to make me feel a bit zombie-like.  

I've been working hard over the past couple of weeks to teach BB how to wave.  I've failed at every attempt.  Then last night, N was walking by with her hound and DH and BB were looking at her from the living room window.  DH told BB to wave hello, and demonstrated how to do it.  Guess who started waving?!  So exciting!  Now he waves at us all the time.  I was changing his diaper this afternoon and his sweet little arm was flailing around.  :)  

It's going to be an odd weekend...  DH is going to be at a seminar all weekend, so beginning late tomorrow afternoon, BB and I will be on our own for most of the time.  DH will be home to sleep, but from the sound of things, that's basically all we'll see of him until Sunday night.  I have a couple of friends coming over Saturday night for a Stitch-n-Bitch, but aside from that there's nothing else planned.  I'll probably be begging my parents to come visit to break up one of the two days.  I don't mind one bit being here with BB all day, but I always look forward to DH returning home from work at 16:30.  I'm not sure how it will feel not having that to look forward to with nothing else to break up the day.  On the bright side though, DH is taking tomorrow off of work, so we'll be able to get a few errands taken care of and spend a bit of time together.

I'm meeting with a potential babysitter next Wednesday night.  I'm a bit nervous.  If anybody reading this has any ideas about the sorts of questions I should ask her, please let me know.  I'm worried I'm going to forget something that is really important, and then will kick myself later for not asking.  There's still no decision on BN2, but I figure I need to get my ducks in a row in case we do decide to proceed.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Affectionate Little Guy

Yesterday was an icky day.  We were up lots in the night (darn those four teeth coming in all at once!) and our morning nap didn't happen.  Early in the afternoon I was tired and just needed a moment to sit.  I gave BB a book to play with and just held him in my lap while I checked out Facebook to see what was going on with everyone.  I'm not sure how long we sat like that.  Yesterday is a tired blur.  But it couldn't have been more than three or four minutes...  then he reached up, took my face in his little hands, and gave me a big kiss on the cheek!  He didn't grind his teeth into me, and I could feel his little lips making a kissy motion against my skin.  Suddenly I was snapped back to reality and my heart was dancing with happiness.  Apparently it wasn't a few minutes in front of the computer that I needed to rejuvenate me... it was a kiss from the sweetest little boy in the world.  

Monday, March 2, 2009

I Guess It's Not Over Until the Fat Lady Sings

First of all, I'd like to thank those of you who have left comments for me regarding the baby number two (BN2) situation.  You're all so supportive and kind.  I'd also like to thank you for not saying, "Maybe he'll change his mind."  I've only told three of my closest friends about this whole thing and each of them said it.  I didn't want to hold out any hope for that, because I couldn't stand to have my hopes dashed a second time.  For me, it was better to accept that this is how things will be and begin trying to deal with it and continue on my journey.  

...And then we started talking again on Saturday night.  I was baffled.  Completely baffled.  BN2 is actually a possibility.  I don't really want to get into the details here, or at least not now, but we're talking.  I feel like I'm playing a dangerous game right now... my heart is soaring, I'm so excited.  If he decides that no, he doesn't want to go through with it, I will be completely crushed.  In the meantime, I'm scoping out babysitters again, trying to line something up for May.  I still don't feel like leaving BB with someone else is the right thing to do, but if BN2 is going to happen, this is the route we need to take.  And at the end of my leave with BN2, I won't be going back to work full-time.  

Hopefully if we go through with this it will happen as quickly as it did last time.  We were so fortunate to have it 'take' on the first try.  It was pretty shocking at the time to have it happen so quickly.  My BFF, T, had her little boy a week before my test finally showed positive.  She and her hubby had tried for quite a while to get pregnant.  I was so happy that she already had her little boy by the time I found out; otherwise, I would have felt really guilty for it happening so easily for us when it was a struggle for them.  Not my fault, but I still would have felt bad.  

You know what I found so funny about making BB in one try?  The fact that I spent several months in high school "playing with fire" before I went on the pill.  It's amazing that I didn't become a high-school mom.  Fate must have been on my side in both instances.  

I'm in the mood to babble on all night, but I need to get to bed.  BB decided this morning that he should begin his day before 04:00.  I joined him for his 06:00 nap (who the heck takes a nap at that time of day?!) but I'm still tired, and who knows what time he's going to wake up tomorrow morning!