Friday, November 18, 2011

All the good

I'm short on time, but it's high time I post an update about
everything that is going on in my life…

• At the end of September, MB because very sick very suddenly.
Luckily, BB and BG were on a sleep-over at my parents' place at the
time, so only OB was at the house (and he was immersed in a video
game, and didn't realize anything was wrong until I was in a position
that I could sit down and explain things to him.) It was all
incredibly scary, but he seems to have recovered just fine. During the
experience, I kept it together, stayed calm, and was able to take
control of the situation. I'm actually quite proud of how I dealt with
it. Oddly enough the entire experience seemed to further strengthen
our relationship. During all of this, I was also reminded that I am
surrounded by wonderfully supportive people… my parents, N, XH, and my
manager at work.
• At the end of October, MB and I went to Cayo Coco, Cuba! It was my
first trip on a plane! Heck, it was even my first time swimming in
salt water! We had so much fun… Time on the beach, deep sea fishing, a
day on a catamaran, a jeep adventure where we got to on speed boats,
visit a crocodile farm and even hold baby crocodiles. (Shortly before
we went away, BB told me that he wanted to pet a crocodile. I told him
that no, you can't pet a crocodile, because they're not friendly…
little did I know that I'd be holding a 2 year old croc just a couple
weeks later!) We spent lots of time just relaxing on our balcony with
drinks, talking, planning, passing out… haha.
• A couple of days into our Cuban vacation, we were at the beach. I
was out in the water splashing around and MB was on the beach. After a
short while he joined me in the water and asked me to marry him. I
initially thought that he was asking me again if I would marry him
someday if he asked. Finally he had to say, "For real this time!" I
was so excited. As we were hugging in the ocean and talking about it,
he suddenly says, "You still haven't said yes!" Hehe! Yes, yes, yes, a
million yeses! He didn't have an opportunity to get a ring, but he
picked up a souvenir Cuba seashell ring earlier in the morning that he
gave to me as a makeshift ring. I thought he had bought it for OB… I
had no clue it was for me. I've been wearing it on my thumb, since it
falls off my ring finger. I'm sooo excited about this. Our plan is to
get married in Cuba in January 2013. I'll probably write more about
that another time.
• As a result of XH taking the kids extra last month (due to MB's
illness, our sitter being on vacation, and then our vacation), XH
decided that he could handle having BB & BG 50% of the time… This has
been very hard for me. It's great for the kids, I think. It's great
for XH, and it's great for my relationship with MB. It's nice to have
some down time… but it's very very hard on me as Mom. This week was
their first official week with their dad, and I'm dying to pick them
up tonight. I'm very glad that my children have a father who wants to
be involved though… they are very lucky. And I'm very glad that his
attitude towards being a parent has changed so dramatically. He's a
great dad and they will benefit greatly from being with him half of
the time.
• We're already planning our next vacation – We're heading to the
Dominican in March! It seems that we've been bitten by the travel bug!
• This weekend we're celebrating OB's 11th birthday with a family
party. It will be the first time our families have met. His family is
very different from mine… this should be interesting. It's good
though, because we'll all be heading to Cuba together in a little over
a year!
• We're smack dab in the middle of a basement reno. The entire
basement has been gutted and is being completely refinished. So far
it's looking amazing. Half of the basement will be kind of like our
get-away area… a huge bedroom, master bath, and a large walk-in
closet. At the moment though, we're sleeping on the couch, and are
very tired most of the time. We're living in even more chaos than
usual… it's very trying. But I think it will be worth it in the end.

I'm out of time… this has been briefer than I'd like, but there's been
so much going on that there's no way I could possibly try to convey
the emotion associated with it all. I am happy. I am loved, and I
love. Everything is amazing. :)

(No time to proof... forgive me!)

Crazy Bitch

Do you ever sometimes wonder if you're losing your mind? It seems that
the past few months, I keep doing things that are completely out of
character for me… it almost always seems to involve MB and it always
seems to create some sort of drama between us.

This week's bout of craziness was pretty terrible… and I hurt MB in
the process too, which I feel terrible about, and can't stop beating
myself up over. It seems like I get into these weird places where I
find myself being mean to him or accusing him of doing things that
he's not doing.

I'm chalking this most recent episode up to being because of baggage
due to the nature of my breakup with XH, and I'm intending on talking
to someone about it… but still, it seems lately, like I keep doing
things that are completely out of character and that don't even
remotely reflect how crazy I am about MB.

My hormones seem to be out of whack though… My cycle is no longer
regular like it had been for the last year and a bit, and I'm suddenly
lactating again. So I wonder if maybe I'm going through some sort of a
hormonal change and that might be what is causing the issue… (before
anyone reading starts jumping to conclusions, no, I am definitely NOT

Aside from these weird things I've been doing, life has been pretty
sweet… All the good stuff belongs in a separate post though. I just
needed to write this bit to get it off my chest… because I kind of do
feel like I'm going a bit crazy. I've felt crazy before… depressed
crazy. That's not how I feel now. Now I feel like I go through these
episodes where I'm suddenly no longer me… I think I'm me at the time,
but then the next day, or a few days later I'm left wondering who the
hell was possessing my body and was treating MB so poorly. Batshit