Disjointed Friday ramblings

Hmmm... so things with Bachelor F had a happy ending last weekend. I've backed off a bit. Previously, I think I've felt like things might not have worked out with others because I wasn't forward enough, so I was trying too hard this time. Things are normal feeling again. I'm more comfortable. There are times when I feel like I'm holding back a bit in order to avoid the risk of pressuring him, but for the most part, the 'need' that I'm squashing by holding back is met shortly after. I am confident we'll find our groove soon.

The kids have been easing their way into daycare over last week and this week. They start full-time on Monday. I go back to work the following Monday. BB came down with a cold last Thursday morning, BG had it within a day or two of that, and now I have it. Hopefully we'll all be fine again within a week or so. BB is happy to go to the sitter's place. That makes things easier. He's been having tantrums at the end of the day though. He doesn't want to put on his boots. I know he's tired and he misses me. I need to find a way to work in some extra quality time with him. BG is making the transition far easier than BB did two years ago. Although she's not reaching for the sitter yet, this morning she didn't cry when I handed her over. She's so tiny... I had a hard time passing that sweet, cuddly little body over this morning. It must be so confusing for her. I need to not think about all of this too much though. This is something I cannot change, so I need to make the best of it and keep plowing ahead. Moving along. Trust that everything will be fine. It always is, right? No amount of heartache on my part will change anything.

My 13 months off have been a blur. I'm glad I kept track of so much here; otherwise, I'd probably be wondering what the hell I've been doing for the past year. I've been taking care of two amazing kids and putting myself back together. I feel whole again. (I should point out that I already felt whole again prior to meeting Bachelor F... he isn't the reason for my wholeness or my happiness. I am.) I am a different person than I was 13 months ago. When I put the pieces back together, I didn't put them in the same places. It's impossible to do that when there's millions of little pieces, isn't it? This new version is stronger and more durable. Smash this version on the floor and she'll only break into a hundred pieces now, not a million.