Friday, November 18, 2011

Crazy Bitch

Do you ever sometimes wonder if you're losing your mind? It seems that
the past few months, I keep doing things that are completely out of
character for me… it almost always seems to involve MB and it always
seems to create some sort of drama between us.

This week's bout of craziness was pretty terrible… and I hurt MB in
the process too, which I feel terrible about, and can't stop beating
myself up over. It seems like I get into these weird places where I
find myself being mean to him or accusing him of doing things that
he's not doing.

I'm chalking this most recent episode up to being because of baggage
due to the nature of my breakup with XH, and I'm intending on talking
to someone about it… but still, it seems lately, like I keep doing
things that are completely out of character and that don't even
remotely reflect how crazy I am about MB.

My hormones seem to be out of whack though… My cycle is no longer
regular like it had been for the last year and a bit, and I'm suddenly
lactating again. So I wonder if maybe I'm going through some sort of a
hormonal change and that might be what is causing the issue… (before
anyone reading starts jumping to conclusions, no, I am definitely NOT

Aside from these weird things I've been doing, life has been pretty
sweet… All the good stuff belongs in a separate post though. I just
needed to write this bit to get it off my chest… because I kind of do
feel like I'm going a bit crazy. I've felt crazy before… depressed
crazy. That's not how I feel now. Now I feel like I go through these
episodes where I'm suddenly no longer me… I think I'm me at the time,
but then the next day, or a few days later I'm left wondering who the
hell was possessing my body and was treating MB so poorly. Batshit

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