Disbelief (September 4, 2007)

Wow. I just found this in my drafts from September 4, 2007 and thought I'd post it, since I took the time to write it! Keep in mind it is outdated!

According to the website (babycenter.ca) I'm five weeks along. I'll be six weeks on Sunday. I'm still very excited and hubby is really starting to come around too. It was rough early this week. He didn't want to talk about it, and even suggested that we should just tell our parents over the phone rather than in person! Ouch. There were a lot of tears Monday night over that one. Inside, it seems like I've known since the very beginning, but for him, Monday wasn't even 48 hours of digesting the news. So I'm sure I was probably overwhelming him a bit. But since then, he's loosened up a bit, and I'm so happy! He's said that he's okay with using my grandfather's & father's name as a boy's name (I mentioned in a Facebook quiz a couple of months ago that I wanted to name a little boy this name, and he remembered that and brought it up!) and he also suggested inviting all of our parents over to tell them all at once. As for names, he wants me to make a shortlist of girl's names, and he wants to have veto power. He's already vetoed my grandmother's middle name, which I'm really disappointed about.

The last couple of days, I've been paranoid that maybe I am not actually pregnant. My breasts are super sore, and I do experience a bit of nausea, but other than that it just doesn't seem real. The test is supposed to be > 99% accurate, and I've read everywhere that you're more likely to get a false negative than a false positive, but I still am paranoid that I messed up the test somehow. I want to take another test, but I don't want to spend the money. And I'm worried that it will say negative. I know that all the signs still point to "Yes, you are pregnant!" It's just paranoia.

I go to the doctor on September 26 @ 1:30. Another week and a half of not having it confirmed for sure. I wish the appointment was sooner.

We're going to a flyball tournament this weekend. I'm nervous that my little she-devil is going to punch me in the gut and make me miscarry or something. Or that I'm going to over-do it and miscarry. I'm living in a world of paranoia right now. But I don't want to be one of those girls that need to be put up on a pedestal just because they're pregnant. And I don't want my child to be put on a pedestal when she's born either. We live an active life, and she's going to be there by our side throughout all of the fun and games!

I'm pregnant!!!

Last Tuesday, I took a pregnancy test. I was four days late, and was showing a lot of the symptoms I read about in my book. It came out negative. I was annoyed, because if I wasn’t pregnant, then my body was wasting valuable baby-making time by not starting the cycle again.

More days pass, same symptoms, no period.

It’s now 5:58 am. I woke up around 4:15 and laid in bed thinking about how badly I had to pee, and how I should take the second test (I bought a 2-pack.) So, I got up around 4:40 and peed on the stick, and two minutes later, guess what?! I’m pregnant!

I went back to bed and told hubby, then realized that I should have taken a picture of the test for the baby book. I saw someone (a co-worker, I think) who put the actual test in their baby book. Ick! “And this is a sample of mommy’s pee from six years ago!” Anyway, after the photoshoot, I went back to bed, and asked hubby how he felt. After prodding to get an answer beyond, "Sleepy" his response was, "Dread." I hope he doesn't resent me for wanting this so badly. And I hope that in time he will be happy with the new addition to our lives and our family.

This all seemed to happen so fast. We decided to start trying about two days after I was supposed to ovulate (according to the online calculator, AND the calculations I made from my book.) Not that our birth control method was fool-proof – withdrawal isn’t exactly effective! However, it worked since last fall. The Sunday that I was supposed to ovulate, it felt like he might not quite have pulled out in time, but I thought it was all in my head. And from reading my book, you’d think that the odds of it happening from that one time would be pretty slim. However, either I didn’t ovulate when I was supposed to, or he did leave a little bit inside of me.

I want to call T! She called me as soon as she found out she was pregnant, but she just brought N home from the hospital on Wednesday, and she has her family there this weekend. She emailed yesterday and told me to call her tonight. I’m counting down the hours until then!

I’m torn on whether I should go to flyball practices or not. The basement is sooo dirty and I have such a hard time breathing after I leave. I’m thinking it’s probably not too good for the baby if I’m not taking in enough oxygen! :( I also need to know whether I can keep using my acne cream… I think I’ll have to do a bit of research!

My only fear of having a baby is that he or she will have crazy allergies to the animals. In fact, that was one of my reasons for being okay with not having a baby. But there are so many more reasons to have one. Hubby doesn’t have allergies, and I’m living with the mutts fine, so baby should be okay too, right?