Friday, October 17, 2008

The Blue Monster

I'm having 'one of those days.' Completely without reason. It didn't even start out as one of those days. It kind of crept up on me.

I've been trying really hard to be positive lately. Really hard. For anyone who really really knows me, you would understand that it doesn't come easy. It's so easy to see the downside to everything, to point out the flaws, and to feel sorry for yourself. But I have everything I've ever wanted. DH, BB, the puppies, the kitty, a loving family, a great house, lots of food, etc. etc. And to make it all so much better, I even have a year away from work. I have no reason to complain.

I don't think I'm really complaining though. It's just that the Blue Monster snuck up on me today when I wasn't looking. So what's bringing me down you ask? Here we go...

- It looks like the forest next to us will soon have a house. It makes me nervous. Who is going to be living next door to us? Are they going to complain when our dogs bark? Are they going to have a dog that runs loose, tantalizing our dogs to escape from the compound? Are they going to be complete dicks? I always expect the worst when it comes to neighbours.
- DH isn't going to be around this weekend. He's training with his club on Saturday, and another local club on Sunday. I know I agreed to this last month. Well, I agreed that it would be a good idea for him to train with the other club before he trials there at the end of the month. But I guess I didn't account for the fact that he'd still be training with his club on Saturday, leaving me without a day of relief from him this week. Wow, just typing about this has me on the verge of tears. I really have no problem being home with BB all week. I love it. I love every second of it. But by Friday, I am looking forward to having DH around too.
- I thought a while ago that it would be nice to make some squares and realized that my square pan is actually in the deep freeze. Boo. Not a major thing, but one more issue piled on top of the others.
- I'm worrying already about having to go back to work. On days like this the worry intensifies. The daycare that I have BB's name on the wait list for sounds sketchy. I don't want him to go there. Yet, I worry about taking him to someone's house as well. I really don't want him watching TV all day at someone's house. I can't help but feel that no one can raise my son as well as I can. I hate that our finances can dictate whether or not I get to stay home with him. And I'm feeling like I'm not getting a lot of support on the issue either. He's five months old now. That means I have to go back to work in seven months. And they need to know within the next six months if I'm not returning. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it.

I'm going to go watch BB sleep now and be grateful for our time together. And maybe cry a bit.

1 comment:

Independent Chick said...

I have soooooo been there.