I Did It

Twenty minutes ago, I turned BB over to the babysitter for his two-hour visit.  I haven't stopped crying since.  The house feels so empty.  I miss him.

I keep thinking of things I should have told the babysitter but I wasn't thinking straight.  I needed to get out of there fast, because he was reaching for me, and I was on the verge of tears.  If he saw me cry, he would cry too... and that would be the end of it all.  

So much guilt.