Friday, June 5, 2009

Feel the Energy

As anyone who regularly reads this blog can attest to, I often use this forum to share my fears, worries and negative thoughts.  Today, I thought I should quickly make a note to capture this current moment in time, since I'm actually feeling good about things.


I'm working away at one of my audits and feel like I finally have a grasp on it.  It's the biggest one I have.  My boss is on vacation this week, and I'm a bit worried that she will feel I haven't made enough progress in her absence.  However, I think now that I finally have a rhythm down I should be able to work through the piles and piles of data a bit faster.  I worry about disappointing her, since she seemed so keen to have me in this role.  She seemed to think that I would have no problem completing all of the required work and finding improvements along the way.  This particular job is very much up my alley, much more so than any other job I've done within this organization.  But all of those other jobs have paved the way for me to do a damn good job at this one. 


I'm looking forward to spending the next two days with BB.  He's finally settling in at the sitter's!  He didn't even cry this morning.  What a breath of fresh air to not feel like we're wrecking his life when we drop him off at the sitter's.  He's now spending more time walking than crawling. 


In the morning the three of us are heading out to the market and for groceries.  I love our Saturday mornings together.  It's fun to take BB out on little adventures like that.  Hopefully we'll be able to squeeze in a trip to the park at some point this weekend as well.  We took him the day before I returned to work and he had SO MUCH FUN on the swings.  I took lots of video and pictures—definitely an event I'll always remember.  His smiles and laughter complete my world.


On Sunday BB and I will be visiting my parents.  My dad hasn't seen his little guy in a few weeks now, and is probably suffering from withdrawal by now!  He's going to see a big change in him now that he's toddling everywhere. 


I've made a very hard decision.  I'm going to wean BB at the end of the month if my cycle hasn't returned yet.  At least his middle of the night feedings.  I'll keep his bedtime feeding for now.  This isn't how I would ideally do things, but I guess that seems to be my motto lately.  Ideally, I wouldn't be working.  Ideally, BB would continue to breastfeed until HE decides he's done.  Blah blah blah.  However, we need to get project BN2 moving along.  I think BB needs me at home more than he needs to continue breastfeeding.  And I can't be home until we have BN2.  I wanted the kids to be close together in age, and if we don't get a move on, they're going to be over two years apart.  Eek.  Although I'm not exactly happy with the decision, I think it's the right one in order to achieve our goals as a family, and I am feeling positive about it. 


Overall today, my outlook is sunny and positive.  Feel free to grab onto a little of my energy today… I seem to have lots of it to share for once!  xo

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