Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Alone again

I had a hard time showering tonight. I could smell his cologne in my hair and hated to wash away the scent. When I returned to the living room after showering I was warmed and heartbroken to be greeted with the familiar scent.

Why do I fall in love with the wrong people? Why does my heart have to be in a constant broken state? I was so happy with him, and the weird thing is, he was happy with me too, but knows that he doesn't want to be tied down to someone with a newborn and a small child right now. Do I regret meeting him? No. He's given me so much. What we had was amazing, even if it only lasted for a little over a month. My heart hurts so much right now. I'm going to bed and hopefully I'll find the strength to continue on tomorrow, because tonight, I'm not so certain I'll have it.


ML said...

Big Hugs!!!

Emilie said...

Oh, Cuddles! You've been through so much, but that's the best part. You are going *through* it. You're not wallowing, you're not frozen on the spot. You're getting through. Your strength amazes me. Emilie

The Original Princess said...

This may not have worked out and it is painful. If nothing else he was enough to let you know that you still have "it". Sometimes you have to test out some frogs before you find the prince. You may as well have a good time test driving the frogs.

Independent Chick said...

Hey Sunshine,

I always read your posts from where I left off so this is the last one I read today...

I'm sorry.

Can I tell you something? After having ventured down a similiar road, a road that was a lot bumpier than I ever let on. It will get better. It won't be overnight. You will fall for another guy (or ten) and it won't work out. Your heart will be broken again. You will question yourself and your decisions. You will wonder why you are here and if you want to continue to be here...and yes, I mean on this earth. But I assure you, I promise you, you will look back on this time and you will see how it has shaped you and formed you into this beautiful, strong, independent, focused, self-loving, wonderful, kind, caring, empathetic, non-judgemental person. Because first and foremost, you are you. You are {insert your name here}. And second, you are a wonderful, loving Mother of a beautiful son and this gift you have been given.

I have always been one to think I needed someone...I did...I needed me. You will get there my dear friend. Take the hand of anyone who wants to help you and go for it. Find yourself. Love yourself. Trust yourself.

It will all work out. I really will.

Sending you lots and lots of love and hugs.