Sunday, May 30, 2010


I set the alarm on my cell phone last night so I'd wake up in time to meet A for breakfast. I noticed that I already had an alarm set for 06:45 on my phone, so I activated that one. I had named it, "H 6:45". I vaguely recall him asking to me give him a wake-up call one morning because he had to pick up his boss or something like that. Anyway, this morning when the alarm went off, in my sleepiness I grabbed the phone and saw his name on the display. My first thought was, "HUH?" and then I thought that maybe he might need something (really, the only reason he's going to call me now would be if he needed something - desperately needed something. It's been almost two weeks since I last heard from him after all.) My next thought, keeping with the "he might need something" mindset was, "Should I call him?" Wowzas. Thank goodness at this point the not-enough-sleep wake-up fog cleared my head and I realized it was the name for the alarm displaying on my phone and NOT an attempt by him to contact me.

Thinking he was trying to reach me excited me for a brief moment. Then I remembered how bloody angry I am with him. But I still hate the fact that we're not talking. It's all so stupid and confusing.

This just dawned on me... the promise to never lie to me again was a lie.

Anyway, this city is so small, I'm guaranteed to run into him at some point. I hope I can handle it without having to run in the other direction and without becoming an awkward freak. I really do feel bad about the mess everything turned into. Not that the blame belongs to me. Not entirely anyway.

On the bright side, I don't think about him constantly anymore. I'm picking up the pieces and moving on.

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