Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Run Away

Out of the blue the other day I messaged someone in the pond. I had been looking at his profile the previous day and noticed that he had so much detail that the site cut him off mid sentence. I chuckled and moved on. Then the next day I noticed that he changed his headline to acknowledge what had happened. I went back to his profile to see what he had changed, and saw that the system cut him off yet again in mid sentence. Laughing to myself, I sent him a note to tell him that it had happened again. (Note: I typically don't initiate conversations with the fish. I let them come to me.) I liked his profile. He could actually communicate. His pictures make it hard to see what he looks like though. I like to confirm the potential for chemistry with pictures.

Anyway, online, we are getting on smashingly. We've exchanged dozens of emails over the past couple of days. The first day I was thrown off. Significantly. He was coming on a bit strong. My initial reaction was to run away. Very quickly. XH was here at the time and I was filling him in on the situation. I've recognized that the relationships that I want the most are the ones where I need to work a bit for it. If a guy shows too much interest, I jet. I can remember the times in the past when I had the same icky feeling... when my grade ten boyfriend gave me a cheesy, tacky, V-day gift, or even back in grade six when a boy I had a crush on liked me back and wanted to "go out" with me. At that point, even that felt like too much! Looking back, with XH, H, and even the one-offs before XH, in each case, the ones that I really wanted didn't throw themselves at me. They expressed interest, but not in an overwhelming sort of way. XH suggested that since I haven't had much luck with the ones that I need to work for, maybe I should give it a try when someone is more interested in me than I am in them. (Okay, I know those weren't your exact words, XH, but that was the gist, right?) Coincidentally, the guy seemed to recognize that he might have come on a bit strong, and I agreed. (Yay for me not just brushing it under the rug!)

Since then, it's been a non-stop email frenzy. Okay, so I don't email much during the day... a one liner here and there, but once my house is settled, I spend the rest of the evening playing catch-up. I don't know if he's the one I'm looking for. I was hoping to find someone active and outdoorsy. I don't think that's him. Maybe there is the potential for a good friend? But look what happened with the last "good friend" I made from the damn pond...

Not that I'm ruling out the possibility of something more, but I feel very cautious. I'm holding back. Not jumping in feet first. For now though, I am enjoying our conversations and getting to know one another a bit. That's the right way to do things, right??

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