Monday, June 14, 2010

Trying to ignore the whisper

I've said all along that BG is my last baby. I don't like the idea of taking the risk of a future relationship not working out and being left behind with a third child. If I were to meet someone incredibly special and they had a need to have a child, perhaps I would consider it, but like the idea of remarrying, it's definitely something I would not push for.... and that person would have to be pretty darned special for me to even contemplate the thought.

And then today I was putting away laundry and noticed the package for my Bella Band. It says something like, "Ok, you're pregnant." I glanced at those words and my heart soared a bit. I thought, "I am?" (Immaculate conception, anyone?) For a brief moment I was excited at the prospect. I recall it was around this point in BB's young life that I started trying to ignore the twinges for another baby. Is this what being female is all about? Always wanting just one more baby? Because after those twinges started, I began to think about how much pregnancy agrees with me, how easy childbirth was this time around, how much I enjoy being a mom, how if I can do it on my own this time, I could definitely manage a third if I actually had a significant other to help.

These thoughts need to go away. I need to go back to being rational and negative.


Independent Chick said...

I think about having another baby all the time and the chances of it happening are slim to none (at least with a partner involved for the long haul) but I still think/dream about it. There's nothing wrong with feeling that twinge. It's not irrational. I love being a Mom as I know you do. Sure it can be hard but there's a lot of things that are hard. It doesn't make them impossible. Never close a door.

XX : )

cuddles said...

I can bet you one thing... I'm sure XH was breathing a sigh of relief as he was reading this that *this* isn't his problem anymore! ;o)