Tales from the pond

There are a lot of odd ducks and lots of scum in the pond. I've been receiving messages from both ever since I took my first dip last November. Yes, there have been some great trout in the pond too, but those stories aren't nearly as amusing to me.

This is probably totally inappropriate of me, but whatever. I don't care. I'm going to share a few of my favourite inbox gems. Keep in mind that messages are only stored for 20 days, so all of these are recent.

"Hey Cutie
I am almost 29 years well built Indian guy looking for a girl to hang out and have fun. Would you like to join my company please !!"

Is he looking for a date or an employee?

"hey just though i would say hi hope your havin a good fri nite and your name now why is that . gymnastics or something dif .."

Imagine me as a gymnast. Or should I say imagin me as a gymnast on a fri nite?

"hELLO SWEETY NICE MEETING YOU ,IM JUST WONDERING IF OLD FELLA LIKE ME WOULD HAVE A CHANCE WITH YOU .i LOVE CHILDREN THIS LITTLE GUY WITH ME IS MY GRANDSON ISAIAH HE HAS OLDER BROTHER 4NAMED CASSIE AND I HAVE GRANDDAUGHTER 18 MONTHS SHE IS A LIVING DOLL,I WOULD BE GOOD LOYAL LOVER AND TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT AND BE LOYAL TO YOU."

Okay, I'm not going to go as far as to post this guy's pic, but the dude is wearing a dead animal on his head! Seriously! His granddaughter is a living doll? Creepy. Good loyal lover? I got chills when I read this part. Not the pleasurable kind.

For every 10 of these messages there might be one that is worth responding to. Perhaps these guys are great people, but they're not what I'm interested in. That first message from a guy needs to give me a glimmer of hope, not encourage me to mock the sender. I'm so tired of this game that I can't even be bothered sending a polite PFO to these guys.

A few other things about all of this silliness:

-Guys with kids in their pics (whether the kids are their kids or not) lose major points. Not cool.

-Guys who put pics on their profiles of themselves with their friends. I'd be uncomfortable knowing one of my friends posted a pic of me and him/her on a dating site.

-I've seen many profiles that say something like, "I can't be bothered filling this out. If you want to know anything about me, just ask." or "If I tell you about myself here, we won't have anything to talk about." There's nothing there to pique my interest to bother talking to them to find out more.

-I don't care what a guy's pet, vehicle, or favourite sunset looks like. Maybe if I get to know him, this stuff might interest me eventually, but until then, I don't want to see these pics as part of his profile. It's the guy I want to check out, not his dog.

-If a guy has a few extra pounds, he should just admit it. I've seen sooooo many guys on there who have picked "average" or "athletic" for their body type when their pics clearly indicate that they are neither. Although, in the world we live in, average really is a bit overweight, isn't it? But I don't think that's what is intended by average in this case since "a few extra pounds" is actually an option.

I'm sure women are probably guilty of these same offenses.

Maybe now that I've gotten this off my chest, my attitude will improve a bit. I doubt it though. I need to meet someone in real life.