Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Apparently I either have some sort of a gift to see the future or I "get" how certain people are wired. I totally called it. (I'd like to think it's a gift, but no, I know its just that I understand human nature. It's that whole thing where I'm always putting myself in everyone else's shoes.)

Anyway, as I was about to plug my phone into the car to listen to some tunes on the way into town today, my phone alerted me to the fact that H had sent me a FB message. I quickly read it, and then hit the road because I was worried I'd be late. I spent the entire trip living in my dream world... the one where they break up and he decides he's been a fool, begs for forgiveness (which I of course immediately grant, because I've never been able to say no to him), and we actually give a real relationship a go. (I'm not looking for the world here. Just a shot, that's all.) Twelve days ago I had pretty much banished such silliness from my head. And one message brings it all back.

I considered not replying. But I knew that the only reason I was considering it was to see if it encouraged him to try harder. That's playing games. I keep saying that I don't want to do that. So I replied a few minutes ago. Kept it quite short. Congratulated him on a recent accomplishment that he shared with me and thanked him for his compliments (apparently my new profile pic on FB wowed him.) It was a guarded message, similar to how I feel whenever he makes contact.

Maybe I should have just ignored it, but I need to be true to who I am. If I'm only ignoring it to get a rise out of him, then that's not the right thing for me to do. I keep saying I want to at least be friends... ignoring an attempt on his part isn't being a friend. Maybe eventually we'll have a real friendship. At least he's attempting to keep in touch... although, I suspect he's doing it from work now so that she doesn't know. Some FB creeping on her profile tells me that they're definitely back together (her profile pic of the two of them is an obvious giveaway.) So, once again I'm the secret friend.

Gah. I seriously need to move on. Now.


collegemeghan said...

I've been through this before... not saying you have to listen to me at all, obviously, because you kind of don't even know me at all! Haha, but I just figure I should share an experience with an ex of mine.

I broke up with my ex because he was pressuring me to be somebody I was not. He was also a heavy drug user and just wasn't a good influence at all. I had a hard time leaving him because he played the whole "You are my reason for quitting drugs" game. But.. guess what? He never ended up quitting! Yeah. So I had to get out of there.

I turned to my pastor when I broke up with him. I told my pastor that I still wanted to remain friends with my ex, just because I knew that he would have a hard time getting off drugs and I wanted to be there for him. My pastor frankly told me no. I wish I could remember everything that he specifically said, but I completely understood what he meant.

He said that if I were to try and remain friends, my ex would know that I was still there for him. He would take advantage of this, since I'm a really generous, giving person and I just care about people, even if they've hurt me. (My ex knew this about me, too.)

The point was that if he wanted to be in my life, he would have to realize that I was not going to be there for him everytime something went wrong or he just felt like getting some love.

My advice to you is... cut off contact! Don't even reply to his messages. You mentioned that you replied to him because you don't think it's right to ignore him, because you don't want to get a rise out of him. I don't know you personally but you seem really sweet, and somebody who doesn't want to get a rise out of anybody. If you ignore his messages, and he takes it as you trying to just make him mad... that's his problem. You should know yourself that that's not the reason you are ignoring him. You are ignoring him because you want to move on with your life and become a happy, vibrant person again, and he is not helping you in that area.

I'm glad that I ignored my ex's constant pleas to come back and what not. I'm in a way better place now than I was back then!

I'm not saying you have to take my advice by any means! I can just tell that you're a really kind person from your entries and you deserve to be really, really happy. Don't settle for being the secret friend. (also.. maybe even removing him from Facebook would be a good idea? Just a suggestion)

Good luck with everything! I'm routing for you :)


cuddles said...

Hi Meghan,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. He beat me to the punch on the FB deletion... okay, it's not like I was actually going to delete him, but I couldn't now if I wanted to anyway.
As for further communication, my gut says it's done. I'd like to think that if he does come 'round again, I'll ignore him. But who knows what I'll do if the situation actually happens. I suppose it would depend on the circumstances. I know that time heals all wounds, so I'm hoping time does the trick... quickly.
Thanks for stopping by. :)

Independent Chick said...

Well Meghan saved me a lot of typing. This guy is not the guy. He's not really a nice guy; to you, to his current girlfriend or to himself. I say no more contact as well. Everytime you get over him, he pops up again and all those old (toxic) feelings come back. Friendship and certainly love don't feel the way he is making you feel. You can do much, much better!