Sunday, October 3, 2010


I sometimes find it to be a bit disconcerting when a smell takes me back to another time. Tonight I lit my first fire of the season. A few moments ago, I just stepped out of my bedroom and was greeted by the smell of the wood stove. Suddenly I was filled with so many unexpected emotions, and it was last winter again. Immediately my thoughts went to H. First happy and loving, then sadness. Then the overall loneliness from last winter set in. It seemed weird to experience all of those feelings without also being pregnant. Looking back, it feels like all of those emotions seemed to be muted a small bit by having BG inside of me during that time. No matter how sad or lonely I was, I had to stay strong for her.

It's looking like it's going to be another lonely winter. Hopefully less heartbreak this time around though.

1 comment:

Independent Chick said...

Only lonely if you let it be. You can be complete within yourself. Don't need anyone else to do that for you. I know you know that. : ) I spent two years alone and I can tell you something, it did me a world of good. : ) Take it as a time to fill yourself up. To feel better about life and what you have to offer it. This winter is going to be fabulous! : )