Monday, March 2, 2009

I Guess It's Not Over Until the Fat Lady Sings

First of all, I'd like to thank those of you who have left comments for me regarding the baby number two (BN2) situation.  You're all so supportive and kind.  I'd also like to thank you for not saying, "Maybe he'll change his mind."  I've only told three of my closest friends about this whole thing and each of them said it.  I didn't want to hold out any hope for that, because I couldn't stand to have my hopes dashed a second time.  For me, it was better to accept that this is how things will be and begin trying to deal with it and continue on my journey.  

...And then we started talking again on Saturday night.  I was baffled.  Completely baffled.  BN2 is actually a possibility.  I don't really want to get into the details here, or at least not now, but we're talking.  I feel like I'm playing a dangerous game right now... my heart is soaring, I'm so excited.  If he decides that no, he doesn't want to go through with it, I will be completely crushed.  In the meantime, I'm scoping out babysitters again, trying to line something up for May.  I still don't feel like leaving BB with someone else is the right thing to do, but if BN2 is going to happen, this is the route we need to take.  And at the end of my leave with BN2, I won't be going back to work full-time.  

Hopefully if we go through with this it will happen as quickly as it did last time.  We were so fortunate to have it 'take' on the first try.  It was pretty shocking at the time to have it happen so quickly.  My BFF, T, had her little boy a week before my test finally showed positive.  She and her hubby had tried for quite a while to get pregnant.  I was so happy that she already had her little boy by the time I found out; otherwise, I would have felt really guilty for it happening so easily for us when it was a struggle for them.  Not my fault, but I still would have felt bad.  

You know what I found so funny about making BB in one try?  The fact that I spent several months in high school "playing with fire" before I went on the pill.  It's amazing that I didn't become a high-school mom.  Fate must have been on my side in both instances.  

I'm in the mood to babble on all night, but I need to get to bed.  BB decided this morning that he should begin his day before 04:00.  I joined him for his 06:00 nap (who the heck takes a nap at that time of day?!) but I'm still tired, and who knows what time he's going to wake up tomorrow morning!  


Mr. & Mrs. said...

"it was better to accept that this is how things will be and begin trying to deal with it and continue on my journey."

Only a really strong person can say these words and truly mean it!

You have been in my prayers and I am glad that there may be some light at the end of the tunnel for you! Just be strong and stand your ground! Best of luck with operation BN2!

Queen Mel said...

good for you, that is wonderful glad to hear it.

Enjoy every second of it.

LLW said...

McNair said it best! :)

.......eek! Feeling the excitement with you!! :) It must be incredibly difficult to hold back a bit of your excitement; as you still seem a bit unsure if this will happen or not - however, the fact that you've talked again and it led to BN2 being a true possibility - I have complete faith that your dream is going to be a reality! : ) I see exciting things ahead for your family.

cuddles said...

Thanks for all of your positivity! Nothing has been decided yet, but talking is better than silence. Hopefully we'll have it all sorted out soon, and hopefully the decision will be such that I will explode with happiness. ;o)