Friday, May 1, 2009


My mother emailed this morning to say that my grandmother was taken to the hospital in the middle of the night by ambulance.  She had a pain in her chest and down her arm.  I'm sitting here on the edge of my chair waiting for an update of some sort.  

She is the only grandparent I have left.  I've had a lot of time to think and reflect this past year, and I've realized that my feelings toward her are complicated.  I see a lot of her qualities in me... and it's not the good qualities in myself that I see reflected.  Don't get me wrong, she's not a bad person by any means.  She had a tough marriage and had to work hard, and then she assisted greatly in raising two of her grandchildren for several years.  But the negativity is often oozing from her. I know that it doesn't necessarily consume her, but it's there, and it's very obvious.  I feel the need to try to NOT be like her, which leads to some complicated feelings.

But at the end of the day, I still love my grandmother and have lots of great memories of time spent with her.  I hope she's going to be okay.


Independent Chick said...

You took all my words out of my head and put them here. I have my Mom's mom left and she's a bitch. I love her but she never liked me. It's hard to have compassion and concern when they have been like that. And she always treated my Mom terribly and my Mother is an angel on earth. So sure, I love her but...

I do hope your Gram feels better.

cuddles said...

Ouch. Luckily, I've never had to deal with having a grandparent not liking me. But the things she says about other people... makes you wonder what she might say behind your back. And if they wronged her fifty years ago, she'll remember it. But don't ask her what she did yesterday.