Last summer we had an informal family pot-luck summer party. BB was only three months old at the time, and I was a wreck taking him there all by myself. (DH was away training that day.) It felt like we were constantly hiding in a bedroom and nursing rather than visiting with everyone. And when he wasn't nursing, I was on pins and needles worried that he was going to cry and scream. (For the record, he did neither, except for when he wanted to nurse.) However, looking back, I connected with people far more last year than I did today.
I've accepted that my moods vary from day to day. Some days I'm outgoing and jovial, some days I'm more shy and reserved. Although I've accepted that this is how I am, I wish I could forgive myself for it. Today was one of those days where I was feeling more shy. I didn't feel right approaching a group of people and joining in the conversation. Part of the problem is that the few times I did start to talk to someone, I always seemed to end up leaving the conversation because BB was escaping on me, so I'd have to go chasing after him. (Dude is mobile now!) It's rare that so many family members gather together without someone dying, and I feel like I should have taken advantage of it. I wasted the opportunity.
On the bright side, my cousin brought along a little inflatable pool for her girls and the other kids to play in. Once BB was starting to feel secure in the environment, he had a blast playing with the balls and the toys that went with the pool. He didn't try to climb into the pool, but he was soaked from head to toe. And filthy filthy filthy! Several times he reached into the pool to grab a toy, and basically had his whole upper body in the water. It was hilarious. Today was my first taste of being a mother to a little boy, and that part of my day was so much fun.