Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Avert Your Eyes

I know everyone has to be sick of my whining and complaining by now, but I do this for me. I need to get this stuff out so it does't eat me alive. If you don't want to be subjected to more of this same topic, I advise you to close this tab right now.

As predicted, I didn't hear back from H after I fired off that message. The next night I was IMing with XH about the whole thing. I told him how I signed off on the message, and it hit me that what I said to H was basically telling him not to bother me anymore. I pretty much told him to have a nice life. Not really my style to burn bridges, but I guess without realizing it, I did. For the best, yes, I know. Still stings though. There's that small piece of me that wonders if I might have shot myself in the foot.

A few years ago, a friend of mine from work set up a bogus FB account just for laughs. Most of my co-workers are FB friends with this imaginary person, and it's just been a big laugh for all of us. Back in May, H questioned who this person was. I explained that it was just a fake account that a friend created just for laughs. He requested friendship with the fake account and the account confirmed him as a friend. So after he added me on FB again in August, we had this one mutual friend, and right up until the day he removed me as a friend, he was still friends with this bogus account. When he started talking to me again in August, he asked me if I was creeping his profile through the fake account during the time that we weren't FB friends. I said no, of course not and laughed at him for thinking I'd be that pathetic. (Yes, this is all incredibly ridiculous. Everything about everything with him is.) Anyway, I noticed that when he removed me as a friend, he also removed the fake account. This tells me that he obviously didn't believe that I wasn't creeping him through the account. Apparently when he trusts someone implicitly, as he once told me, what he really means is that he thinks they're a big liar. But I suppose, when you aren't trustworthy yourself, it's hard to believe that anyone else out there could be.

In April, H also set up a bogus account. It was while he was in crisis mode, and I can only make assumptions about why he set up the account. I have a pretty good idea why, but I won't get into it here, because then I'd be talking about his stuff, and it isn't my place to chatter about it. Anyway, I have been a friend of that fake person since the account was created. So, if he had wanted to creep on my profile while he and I weren't friends on FB, he was able to. Tonight, I severed that connection.

I'm sure this all seems stupid. I'd think it was stupid if I was reading it on someone else's blog. Stupid and childish. So much of the past several months have been stupid and childish. And because I'm here all day with the babies, I spend far too much time thinking about it all.

I've been feeling so sad lately. I'm guessing the recent sadness has been prompted by the shorter days, but all this stupidity over H isn't helping things any. I need to make a change for the better, I'm just not sure where to start.


The Original Princess said...

I think you've already started the change. You've taken back some of the control by severing some ties
and doing it all on YOUR terms.
Jeebus, I'd offer to introduce you to some single guys but I don't know any! :)

Tim Scammell, PTech said...

Sad? How could you be sad dear? We're pals so that's good enough to cheer me up. Should work for you too. :)

Tim Scammell, PTech said...

Oh, don't apologize or explain anything that you do here. As you said, these blogs are for us. If anyone doesn't like it screw em, they can leave.
Keep going. :)