Harsh Reality

BG and I visited with T and her wee ones yesterday. I became upset when we talked about what life will be like for me and the kids when I go back to work in March. We'll get up, get ready to start our day, then head to the sitter's. They'll spend the day there while I'm at work. After work I'll pick them up, we'll return home, eat supper, they'll have a bath, and then it will be bedtime. Our only quality time together will be on the weekends. But I only have them every other weekend. So basically, I will have four days a month with my children. And those four days a month will also have to include visits with my family because it is important to keep those ties strong for the children.

I'm feeling desperate right now. There has to be a better way. This isn't how I ever pictured raising my children. I was supposed to be home with them. And even if something happened that I had to work, there was supposed to be a husband here to help out. And weekends weren't supposed to be split like this.

I know I keep saying that in the long run it's good that XH left, because we weren't the perfect match, but I'd rather still be in my pathetic excuse of a marriage than lose out on the time with my kids like this. I now understand why some couples choose to stay together until their kids are grown up. I'm not saying that would have been the right thing for us to do, but this isn't feeling right either.

What's the solution here? Start funneling all of my money directly to Atlantic Lotto?

Gah. Writing about this was supposed to make me feel better. Instead I'm sitting here in tears.