Sunday, October 24, 2010

Harsh Reality

BG and I visited with T and her wee ones yesterday. I became upset when we talked about what life will be like for me and the kids when I go back to work in March. We'll get up, get ready to start our day, then head to the sitter's. They'll spend the day there while I'm at work. After work I'll pick them up, we'll return home, eat supper, they'll have a bath, and then it will be bedtime. Our only quality time together will be on the weekends. But I only have them every other weekend. So basically, I will have four days a month with my children. And those four days a month will also have to include visits with my family because it is important to keep those ties strong for the children.

I'm feeling desperate right now. There has to be a better way. This isn't how I ever pictured raising my children. I was supposed to be home with them. And even if something happened that I had to work, there was supposed to be a husband here to help out. And weekends weren't supposed to be split like this.

I know I keep saying that in the long run it's good that XH left, because we weren't the perfect match, but I'd rather still be in my pathetic excuse of a marriage than lose out on the time with my kids like this. I now understand why some couples choose to stay together until their kids are grown up. I'm not saying that would have been the right thing for us to do, but this isn't feeling right either.

What's the solution here? Start funneling all of my money directly to Atlantic Lotto?

Gah. Writing about this was supposed to make me feel better. Instead I'm sitting here in tears.

1 comment:

The Original Princess said...

I have nothing to say to make you feel better. I've been doing the 50/50 custody for almost 3 years and it never gets any easier for me. I struggle constantly with the fact that I miss out on exactly HALF of my daughter's life.
My only advice is to keep busy when they are gone. I'm lucky to have great friends who, at times, literally came to my house and hauled out the door. In my humble opinion, it's not a matter of getting used it. It's a matter of figuring out how to deal with it so you don't go nuts. I'll let you in on a secret, all that travelling I talk about on my own blog....that's how I deal. I get the hell out of Dodge.
Good luck - I know you'll figure out your own coping mechanism. And remember, you have the support of people who have been through this. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk.