Sunday, November 28, 2010


I'm feeling a bit out of sorts at the moment. H was over tonight for a hour or so. It's funny how we can sit there shoulder to shoulder or knee to knee looking at pics... there's a bond there for certain. A definite comfort level between us. When we're done looking at pics, we both move to our respective ends of the couch to chat. What was different about tonight's visit was that I didn't get my good-bye hug... when he was over on Wednesday, I even got a kiss on top of my head. Nothing beyond friendly, but not getting the hug tonight signified that things are changing again. He's moving into a relationship with someone new... I'm meeting someone tomorrow night. Maybe someone else later in the week if that lines up.

On the up side, his new girlfriend knows about me and is okay with us being friends. Thank goodness for not having that drama to deal with. I do understand why the last girlfriend didn't want him being friends with me... so much stickiness in that situation. The problem was how he dealt with her demand. Anyway, it's water under the bridge now, and I prefer to look forward rather than back.

I'm still kind of sad that things can't be different between us. But I believe that he isn't the only person in the world that can knock my socks off. And eventually, one of those people will feel the same way about me. I just need to start getting out there and meeting them...

H coached me quite a bit tonight for tomorrow night's meeting. Gave me some tips on things to ask to get the guy I'm meeting to talk, etc. Told me that if I was at all interested in seeing him again to set something up before leaving. Not to over-think things and judge him too quickly - plan to see him three times before making any decisions. We'll see about that one... But yeah, he knows how picky I am... and is convinced that I'm already trying to sabotage it. Maybe I am. I don't know. I just have this "prepare for the worst" mentality.

I gave him quite a bit of advice over the past week in regards to his new relationship... I always believe that honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships. He has a tendency to "sugar coat" facts, leave out things, etc., and then tell you that you know everything. Then before you know it, you're finding out something else. You never know when you actually have the full story. (Which, ironically enough, I'm quite certain I finally got the whole story back in April.) So of course, my advice was to tell her everything, which worked out in his favour. My thought process was that if she couldn't handle his past, ie. the stuff that has made him the person he is today, then she shouldn't be with him, because those things are a part of him.

So, I guess this is how friendship works, right? I help him, he helps me... Just being friends with him is weird. Before there was always the "what if..." and the "maybe..." in the back of my mind. That's gone now. I'll get used to it though. If there's one thing I do well, it is adapting.


Independent Chick said...

Hey. You're doing great. I just wanted to tell you that. It is an adaptation for sure. I held onto the fact that someone I met was my knight in shining armour. I did all I could to hang onto pushed him away. You are very wise in how you are a good friend. You are fortunate to have that. : ) It is a difficult adjustment to make but you still have that comfort level, that friend who has your best interest in mind. You will meet someone who knocks your socks off. It's ok to wonder what could have been. : ) That's what makes you appreciate what you will have when your true partner in crime shows up. : )

Big hugs. XOXO

cuddles said...

I'm sure if I kept hanging on to the dream and reminding him of my feelings it would push H away as well. It's sometimes hard to hold back, since I tend to be honest about my feelings with my friends. But if he's in a relationship with someone else, constantly reminding him that I care would just get awkward.
Thanks for the note. I always love hearing from you, and I always appreciate your support. XO

Anonymous said...

Hmm.. there's that "3 times before giving up on him" thing again :-)

Good luck!

cuddles said...

Touche, my friend.