Thursday, November 4, 2010

It all falls down

I took the children to visit my grandmother today. I don't go "down country" very often anymore. It's probably been over a year since I was last in that neck of the woods, not counting flying by on the highway.

It leaves me feeling sad when I go there. So much has changed, and in most cases, not for the better. Houses are falling down. Farms are no longer farms. Even in the case of my grandmother's place, the barn and pig sty are gone, the fields where my grandfather grew vegetables and we picked berries are now grassed over.

My grandparents' house used to be a hub-bub of activity when I was young. There was always a crowd around the table at meal time. People were constantly coming and going. Today, my grandmother lives alone in the same house, yet it is a completely different house. The kitchen table has been replaced with a much smaller table that might fit four people if they're willing to rub elbows. The driveway is hard to see for the grass. The only noise comes from the scanner, which is turned up far too loud... I can only assume it's to drown out the quiet. (Or maybe it's her version of Facebook - an attempt at stalking the world without the aid computer?) When we arrived today, both the radio and the scanner were blaring. After our arrival, the radio was turned off, and the scanner turned down to a level that was still much louder than I found comfortable.

While we were out today, I considered taking a drive by the house my other grandparents used to live in but I couldn't bring myself to do it. That house used to be like my second home. As a child, there were so many times where I preferred being there over my own home. I couldn't bring myself to do it though... from what I hear, the place is in rough shape.

Maybe next summer I'll do a bit of graveyard visiting... I've never been clear on the point of doing that, but sometimes I feel compelled to do it nonetheless.

Anyway, the point of all this? There is none. Just feeling sad about the circle of life, and the part of my life that I can never revisit.

1 comment:

ML said...

Oh how I totally understand! My grampa really wants us to buy his house if we go there. Part of me thinks we should but it is a very small part. It mostly feels wrong to know that it would be us that was changing so much about it. The thought of some nameless faceless stranger renovating it actually doesn't bother me at all.