Little anniversaries

I've been quietly acknowledging all of the little anniversaries that have taken place since November. The ones that have been the most emotional are all of the ones with H. First meeting, dinners out, first kiss, first time making love (N would be snickering at this one), the T&S concert, nights in, etc. Sure, I see the entire experience with him in a different light now, knowing what I know, but remembering all of the little anniversaries still has made me miss what was and what might have been, had the circumstances been different. It probably doesn't help that I'm not in my happy place these days.

Early this afternoon when he and I were talking I said, "It was a year ago today that you painted my bathroom." And then we started reminiscing about the rest of that weekend. We went to Moncton, had a beautiful suite, went out to dinner, watched the most boring movie that night (I slept through most of it, snuggled up in his arms)... I remember so many details from that trip. It's like it was just yesterday. It was such a nice weekend, and it was so hard for me to understand how he could just end things a few days later. I understand now.

It's strange to think that a year ago today, I felt loved. Today I cry because I am not. On the bright side, at least I'm not crying anymore that I'm not with him. ...I always need to keep looking for that bright side, right?