Check!

Yes! I can actually check one thing off my to-do list from the other day! I got the CT money counted! Granted, it was also the quickest task on the list, but whatever, it's done! $133.05 in total! That will more than cover the tax on the tread mill. Hopefully they have one there that we want. I can't wait for DH to come home so I can share my excitement with him!

Happy Halloween!

It's BB's first Halloween! After much deliberating, I had decided not to bother getting him a costume. The money could be better spent, and he'd probably hate every second of wearing it anyway! However, my mom came to the rescue and got him a cute little pumpkin costume. He'll be wearing it to visit N tonight. Tomorrow we'll visit my parents (mom is working tonight, or else we'd go there tonight as well) so they can see how cute it is on him.

DH is going to be away most of the weekend. He's trialling at a local schutzhund club (not his own) with Horsey. He took the day off from work so that he could give Horsey one more bit of practice this afternoon on the strange field before the trial. So this morning the three of us we went for groceries. I'm so excited. I bought some baby romaine and some Rene's oregano & feta dressing. I also picked up a squash that I cannot wait to cook (I'm going to try baking it, in hopes that it will be nice and dry!) and also a couple sweet potatoes. My two previous sweet potato experiences weren't very good. That stuff is mushy! However, I'm going to try making sweet potato fries in the oven. BB will be eating them very soon... I can't expect him to eat something we won't eat.

The new house that they've been working on next door arrived in two pieces yesterday. It looks like we'll have new neighbours before the snow flies. I'm not impressed with this. I liked being surrounded by trees. Hopefully they're not a-holes. And hopefully they don't have a dog that runs... I don't want ours being provoked. DH and I have gone back and forth on what we want the neighbours to be like. In one way, we would prefer if they were like us and just kept to themselves. In another way, it would be great if they were like us and enjoyed hanging out with a few beer from time-to-time. Either way, we'd like them to be like us. :)

Commitment

My plan for a structured nap for BB is going really well. I have yet to have a failed attempt. I've found that I have to be flexible sometimes. Like yesterday--he was sooooo upset because he lost his arm in the sleeve of his sleeper when he tried to roll over. I readjusted him, put him back down, only to have it happen again... and again! Finally he was so upset that I held him for a few minutes to calm him down, read his story to him again (luckily it was Goodnight Moon - a quickie!) and put him back into his crib where he promptly passed out!

Now that BB is napping in his crib, I don't have to tiptoe around the house quite so much. I can get things accomplished, because I no longer have to worry about disturbing his precious sleep in the swing! So what have I been doing with my newfound time? Sitting on my butt in front of the computer. Where is my motivation? Where is my get-up-and-go? I've always been lazy, but this is ridiculous.

I am going to commit to getting the following things done:

1. Prepare for BB's adventures with solid foods. Because I need to over-organize this, I need a chart or a spreadsheet (oooh! yes! a spreadsheet) done up with what food he can have when.
   
2. Homemade Christmas presents. I have two friends that I'll be giving gifts to this year. Last year I spent quite a bit of money on their gifts. I don't have a lot of spare cash this year. I do have a large yarn stash though. So I'm going to knit them each a Booga Bag for Christmas. It's quite uncomplicated, just a matter of getting it done.
   
3. This one sounds silly... I need to get our Canadian Tire money counted for DH. We might get our treadmill from there, and this would help defray the cost, as we have YEARS worth accumulated.

Nap time seems to be over. The crying has started! I'll start working towards these little goals on Monday.

Article: "Use of Tylenol-type pain relief in babies linked to asthma: study"

I'm feeling really frustrated by this new discovery. I've been trying to make BB's life as natural as possible, in an effort to avoid him having to suffer through the asthma and allergies I battled as a child. He has had baby tylenol twice now. My mom told me I should give him some after his two-month needles. I ignored her because I didn't really want to give him drugs he may not need. But then my doctor's nurse advised me to give him a dose when we got home, so I did. He also got a second dose after his four-month needles, but he spit most of that one out.

He's only five and a half months old. What if those two doses of tylenol do increase his chances of getting asthma? People have thought I'm crazy for the precautions I've been taking for a healthy baby. But I know what I went through as a kid and I don't want him to have to go through the same thing.

I haven't had much faith in my doctor or his staff since I became pregnant. There were a lot of mistakes on their part while I was pregnant, so I'm very careful to do research on my own before following their advice. However, I didn't look into this one... perhaps I wouldn't have found anything if I had looked at the time anyway. If he does end up with breathing problems, I know I'll never forgive myself.

Still the funnest game ever

Peek-a-boo!

My evil plan is working

When BB was little (that sounds funny, since he's only 5.5 months old! By little, I mean a newborn) he wouldn't nap for very long and definitely not in his bassinet. Momma needed sleep! Then around one month old he started to warm up to the swing. The back & forth motion kept him from crying (hurray!) and sometimes he'd even fall asleep! Before he started sleeping through the night, our morning routine was to get up and have his feeding, play for a short while, and then into his swing for a looong morning nap. At that point, I'd crash my tired butt onto the couch and nap as well. Sometimes he'd need me to wind the swing up for him; he'd cry out when the swing started to slow down, I'd stumble over and crank my little heart out, and then we'd both fall asleep again. 

Probably as a result of my over-reliance on the swing, ALL of baby BB's naps started taking place in the swing... unless he happened to fall asleep during a nursing session, in which case he would nap on my chest (no complaints from me on that one... it gives me a chance to drift and get some snuggles from my otherwise wiggly baby!) or I'd carefully move him over to his crib (and most times he'd wake up as soon as my hands were off of him!)

At BB's last appointment with the doctor for his four month needles, he weighed in at 17 lbs. Our swing was second hand (my cousin, T, gave it to us, and she got it from a yard sale or something) so of course it didn't come with a manual. I have no idea what the maximum weight is for the swing. For all I know it could be only 20 lbs, and BB is just about there! I do know that it's not swinging as fast these days, and needs to be cranked more frequently - I'm guessing this is due to his weight. So although it's been nice to have an easy way to get him to sleep, I've been feeling like the swing is more of an annoyance now than a help. Besides, he can't be a baby forever, he needs to learn to sleep in his bed the way the rest of the world does!

Here comes the plan part!

I decided that for his naps we would no longer rely on the swing. At nap time he gets a clean diaper, a story, a hug & kiss, and then it's into the crib. My plan was to start yesterday.

However, yesterday was a weird day. He woke up at 5:30 and after nursing, he passed out in my arms. So I held him until 7:44, then laid him down next to me in bed and napped next to him. (Ahhh, it was so nice to get that extra sleep and the cuddles!) As a result of this, I missed my opportunity to try out my plan in the morning. So I gave it a try about 45 minutes before he was due for his next feed. When I put him in his crib he cried and screamed for an unacceptable amount of time, so I held him for a few minutes and he actually fell asleep in my arms (that doesn't often happen without a feeding!) I transferred him to his crib, and he slept for about 30 minutes. I fed him when he woke up, and he promptly fell asleep again after his meal and slept cuddled up on me for an hour. He probably would have slept longer, but I had tried to move him to his crib and he was NOT happy about that! Two cuddle naps in one day... it's been a long time since that's happened!

So, yesterday didn't quite work out. Today is a new day! He woke up at almost 6:00 this morning. He had his breakfast and played. At 8:00, I changed his diaper, read him a story in the bedroom, gave him a hug and kiss, and put him in his crib. I then turned on the baby monitor and walked out at 8:16. He cried for three minutes. And then promptly fell asleep, and has been asleep for an hour and 15 minutes now. Score one for mommy! This may not be so hard after all!

Maybe I was the one with the addiction to the swing?

Baby Fat

I stepped on the scales the other day and discovered that I'm down to 136 lbs. I was 130 lbs when I got pregnant, so I only have six lbs to go!

I really haven't been doing anything to lose the weight. I had started running again in the summer, but found it too difficult to squeeze in a run and a shower between supper and BB's bedtime (and BB would usually need to feed somewhere in there too!) I gained 60 lbs while I was pregnant. The bulk of the weight I've lost has been due entirely to breastfeeding. I'm sure I'll be sharing my thoughts on that topic sometime on here.

I've been eating a lot of bread this week. My mom has been making the most fabulous brown bread lately, so I've been eating a lot of the most fabulous brown bread. So yummy. But I can see places where I had started to hollow out puffing back out already. Definitely need to cut back on the bread! I'm not really worrying about it though. Just something I am trying to be aware of.

Before getting pregnant, I lost approx. 25 lbs. This was before I started running. Work was so incredibly busy and stressful in the fall of 2006 that I ended up cutting back on the amount of food I was eating. A lot. Not to the point of having an eating disorder or anything (or at least I didn't feel like there was a problem, since I was still eating, just not as much.) However, because I didn't have time to graze all day at work (the way I had for the past several years), I was often hungry. That hunger made me feel powerful. I felt like I had control over my body, and that somehow transferred to feeling like I had power over the very stressful situation I was in. Once things calmed down at work my eating habits went back to normal; however, my portion sizes were smaller. I managed to keep that up until I got pregnant at the beginning of August 2007. Then I started eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I mostly aimed for healthy foods of course, but I certainly had my fair share of treats too!

DH and I are planning on buying a treadmill for Christmas. My stipulation is that it has to be a decent one. If it feels like it's going to fall apart while I'm running on it, there's no point in spending the money because I won't use it. I'm really looking forward to getting it. I don't feel like I get as good of a work out on a treadmill, but it's better than the workout I'm getting now.

Feeling sad

A year ago in November, DH's cousin passed away. She had celiac disease and was in the hospital for some tests and suffered from a heart attack. She was only 32 and had a daughter who was not quite two years old. At the time I had just entered my second trimester with BB. I spent most of my pregnancy being on the fence as to whether or not I wanted to have a baby. (I sometimes thought that my primary reason for having a baby was that DH finally gave in on the baby argument. Maybe I'll write more about all that another time.) When she passed away, I felt so terrible, both for his cousin, C, and for her baby daughter, D. I felt terrible in a way that I couldn't have felt prior to becoming pregnant. I think it was the first time I actually had true maternal feelings towards the being growing inside of me. I thought of C not getting to watch her daughter grow up. I thought of D growing up without her mother. My heart broke for both of them.

My MIL was quite close with C. I've always had the feeling that she felt like C was the daughter she never had. D's dad has to travel quite frequently for work, so she stays with her grandmother (DH's aunt) a lot, and as a result visits my in-laws with her grandmother fairly often. Today my in-laws came to visit, and my MIL was telling me about her most recent visit with D, and how smart she is, and how she was recently staying with her father, but wasn't doing well at the daycare he had her at because she didn't know anyone and was worried about being abandoned. (I would be too if I wasn't quite three years old and my mom just died last year!) So he took her back to his MILs to stay again. When she first returned to her grandmother's, she was having lots of nightmares and didn't even like going to sleep on her own. As my MIL was telling me all this today, the same feelings that I experienced last fall while I was pregnant came flooding back to me, but a hundred times stronger. I tried to not think about what she was saying at the time, because I didn't want to cry. But after they left, I was telling DH how I find it so upsetting when his mom talks about D and almost lost it.

I might have spent my pregnancy not being certain that I wanted a baby, but all that changed the day he was born. I feel like I was so naive before and while I was pregnant. I had no idea the love I was capable of feeling. When I think of something happening to prevent me from watching BB grow up, it breaks my heart. Part of my reasoning for not wanting to go back to work is that I know I can raise him better than a babysitter can. What would happen if something happened to me and I wasn't a part of his upbringing at all? I know he would be well cared for and loved to pieces, but it's not the same... a mother's love is so different from everyone else's. I never truly realized that until he arrived.

I keep wondering if in the few moments before C passed away if she knew what was about to happen. I think of how awful those last few moments would have been, knowing that she would never get to hold her baby girl again, or tell her how much she loved her, or how beautiful she is.

Almost a year later and my heart is breaking all over again for them.

Peek-a-boo & toes in the mouth

We've had a couple milestones the last couple of days!

Yesterday, mom was babysitting BB for me while I went to a work function for a couple of hours. When I returned home, the three of us were playing on the floor. Mom started playing peek-a-boo with BB, and he was cracking up like it was sooo funny! DH and I have both played this with him several times and he would just stare at us like we were from another planet. But yesterday while I was away, something clicked in his head. Perhaps it has something to do with mom playing it with him, afterall, his first smile was for her too.

Over the past week or so, BB has been reaching for his feet some during diaper changes and naked time. The last couple of days, he's been pulling them towards his mouth without any luck. Today he finally managed to get a few toes in there, and looked quite pleased with himself. He's definitely had a productive day!

Italian White Bean Dip

Found this recipe on the Today's Parent website and tried it last night with some nacho chips and whole wheat pita (while watching the middle of the second Harry Potter movie. Movies are watched in stages these days.) Super easy and quite tasty (and full of fibery goodness!) I'm trying to be more friendly with the beans these days, and this is a great way to do it. Here is my version of the recipe (you know I had to tweak it a bit!) The link to the original recipe is at the bottom.

Italian White Bean Dip

19oz (540 mL) can white kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1 tbsp lemon juice

2 cloves garlic

1 tbsp olive oil

½ tsp dried oregano, crumbled

½ tsp salt

¼ tsp black pepper

Toss it all into the food processer and blend until smooth.

http://recipes.todaysparent.com/tprecipe/tp/article.jsp?recipeId=5415

Potatoes and eggs (Breakfast Casserole)

Really, how can you go wrong with that combination? When I came home from the hospital with BB, N had decorated our place with balloons and a welcome home sign, and left a casserole in our fridge for us. It was a potato, egg, cheese thingy and it was sooo delicious. Ever since then, we've said that we should try making one of our own and I have finally attempted it today. I worked on preparing it during BB's nap this morning (he's still napping now) and will bake it for supper. Hopefully it turns out. I didn't use a recipe, I just put stuff together. For future reference in case this turns out, here's what I did.

• Peel & cube (approx 1cm) 8 potatoes. Steam these for 20 minutes.
• Chop a bowl of ham and two onions. Fry these together.
• Finely cube a whack of cheddar cheese.
• Whisk together 6 eggs and 250 mL milk.
  
• Spray the casserole dish with canola oil.
• Put 3/4 of the potatoes on the bottom.
• Put the ham and onions in next.
• Layer the cheese on top of the ham and onions.
• Put the remaining potatoes on top.
• Pour the egg and milk mixture over the entire thing.
  

I was planning on adding a red pepper to this, but both of them have gone weird. I'm going to bake it for an hour. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Update:
I baked this at 350 with the lid on for 30 minutes, and then at 400 with the lid off for another 30 minutes, and it was actually cooked. Next time, I would cook at 400 the entire time with the lid off. Also, I remembered later in the day that I had meant to add mushrooms in with the onions and ham in the frying pan! Will need to remember this next time. We were able to eat shortly after DH got home from work, which was wonderful! The supper dishes were done before we ate supper, and there was no waiting around for supper to be prepared!

I love...

My beautiful baby boy

• The smell of his sweet breath.
• The fact that his poo doesn't smell bad.
  
• His sweet gummy smile.
• His laugh when you do something that he finds hilarious. "HAA!"
• The middle two fingers on his left hand.
• The rolls of chub at the tops of his legs.
• His hair that stands on end.
• Those cute, chubby, rosy cheeks.
• His gorgeous dark eyes.
• The way he smiles at me when I go to his crib in the morning.
• The way every toy he grabs goes directly into his mouth for a closer inspection.
• Snuggles after a feeding.
  

This is by no means all inclusive. *happy smiles*

Snuggles

I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately to prove that if I stay home with BB that it would lighten DH's workload around the house. DH hasn't suggested or even hinted at this, but I guess since I'm not feeling a lot of support from him in regards to not returning to work next May, I feel that I need to prove to him how fantastic it would be to have me at home on a permanent basis.

However, I'm finding it hard to get anything done around here during the day. BB is only going to be a baby who needs his mommy for so long... people keep telling me how their kids are past wanting to cuddle with their mommies - all they want to do is run and play. I want to take advantage of BB's willingness to snuggle and play with me.

After BB feeds now, we usually have a snuggle. He's happy and will snuggle into my shoulder for a few minutes after. Gradually he becomes a bit more lively, but he'll still cuddle with me while he plays with the pillow behind my back, or plays with my face, etc. Then I'll prop him up on my tummy and use my legs to support his back and we'll sing little songs and talk together. I'll often use this time to read him a story too. I love this time with him. He's become so interactive.

Yesterday morning, I knew that I shouldn't linger with him after his feeding because my friend was coming to visit later in the day. The house needed to be tidied. I made a choice to forget about the house and enjoy my time with BB. I reminded myself that she probably wasn't coming to see the house anyway, and I snuggled in bed with BB for an hour! And really, in the big scheme of things, I'd rather have the quality time with BB and let people think I have a messy/dirty house. My time with him is too precious to squander.

Little Drummer Boy

For the past few weeks, BB has been using his right hand to beat on things. Over and over again. It seemed to begin when I would change his diaper or let him have 'naked time' before his bath. He'd lay there on the floor, beating his right thigh and genitals with his right hand. Whack. Whack. Whack.

More recently, in addition to these beatings, he's started beating on me. When he's done nursing on my right side (and he's laying on his left side, which leaves his right hand completely free) he'll lay there and give my right breast a few good wallops, and even more frequently, beat his hand against my chin. All I can do is laugh. Hopefully I'm not encouraging him to be a wife beater when he grows up!

Yesterday he added another dimension to his little game. While he was laying on his tummy on the floor, he started beating the floor (or the blanket, or his play mat, depending what he happened to be laying on at the time) with his right hand. So he's laying there, with his cute little fluffy bum in the air, his head raised up so he can view the world, beating on the floor with his right hand. Never the left. Always the right. Whack. Whack. Whack.

DH and I both also noticed yesterday that he's now trying to get to his toys when they're out of reach (when he's laying on his tummy.) He's had some success with wiggling towards them, when he doesn't get frustrated and just lay there screaming for the toy to come to him!

I wanna rite like yoo.

Okay, so maybe I'm not quite that bad. But...

I've been reading blogs of friends and acquaintances recently. Some of them write so nicely. Their thoughts are clear and concise. Their words are eloquent.

When I write I feel like I'm vomiting all over the computer screen. Here are my thoughts, allow me to spew them all over you.

The Blue Monster

I'm having 'one of those days.' Completely without reason. It didn't even start out as one of those days. It kind of crept up on me.

I've been trying really hard to be positive lately. Really hard. For anyone who really really knows me, you would understand that it doesn't come easy. It's so easy to see the downside to everything, to point out the flaws, and to feel sorry for yourself. But I have everything I've ever wanted. DH, BB, the puppies, the kitty, a loving family, a great house, lots of food, etc. etc. And to make it all so much better, I even have a year away from work. I have no reason to complain.

I don't think I'm really complaining though. It's just that the Blue Monster snuck up on me today when I wasn't looking. So what's bringing me down you ask? Here we go...

- It looks like the forest next to us will soon have a house. It makes me nervous. Who is going to be living next door to us? Are they going to complain when our dogs bark? Are they going to have a dog that runs loose, tantalizing our dogs to escape from the compound? Are they going to be complete dicks? I always expect the worst when it comes to neighbours.
- DH isn't going to be around this weekend. He's training with his club on Saturday, and another local club on Sunday. I know I agreed to this last month. Well, I agreed that it would be a good idea for him to train with the other club before he trials there at the end of the month. But I guess I didn't account for the fact that he'd still be training with his club on Saturday, leaving me without a day of relief from him this week. Wow, just typing about this has me on the verge of tears. I really have no problem being home with BB all week. I love it. I love every second of it. But by Friday, I am looking forward to having DH around too.
- I thought a while ago that it would be nice to make some squares and realized that my square pan is actually in the deep freeze. Boo. Not a major thing, but one more issue piled on top of the others.
- I'm worrying already about having to go back to work. On days like this the worry intensifies. The daycare that I have BB's name on the wait list for sounds sketchy. I don't want him to go there. Yet, I worry about taking him to someone's house as well. I really don't want him watching TV all day at someone's house. I can't help but feel that no one can raise my son as well as I can. I hate that our finances can dictate whether or not I get to stay home with him. And I'm feeling like I'm not getting a lot of support on the issue either. He's five months old now. That means I have to go back to work in seven months. And they need to know within the next six months if I'm not returning. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it.

I'm going to go watch BB sleep now and be grateful for our time together. And maybe cry a bit.

Alarm clocks & yummy suppers

The two things on my mind today...

DH slept on the couch last night. No, we didn't have a fight! (Like either of us would give up the comfort of our bed over a fight!) BB had an odd afternoon yesterday... he woke up from his afternoon nap screaming. Lots of inconsolable screaming. It seemed to end once he had a poop though (his fourth of the day!) When DH came home from work, I headed into town to pick up N's birthday gift. While I was gone he did it to DH as well. However, he pooped before crying this time. So it obviously wasn't that he had to poop again. Finally, DH put him in his crib so he could go use the bathroom, and BB fell asleep. Tired maybe? Anyway, after so much weirdness I totally expected BB to have a rough night. So DH decided to sleep on the couch. Totally unnecessary. He slept until almost 7am. Lately, DH's alarm has been waking BB up around 6am. I feel soooo good today, getting that extra sleep. I like having DH with us, but I really hate his alarm!

We had a delicious supper last night. It was a recipe that I found on the Today's Parent website. They have some really fantastic recipes there! This one was for Salmon, Broccoli, and Potato Gratin. I love potato. I love salmon. I like broccoli. I looooved the sauce. I wished my serving was bigger. I wanted to eat my portion that was saved for today's lunch as a bedtime snack last night. (For the record, I didn't snack.) For anyone interested, here's the link to the recipe! http://recipes.todaysparent.com/tprecipe/tp/article.jsp?recipeId=5882 Try it, you'll love it!

The window to your soul

I've become quite obsessed lately wondering what colour BB's eyes are going to be. I've read that a baby's eyes don't turn their final colour until around six months old. He's five months today. (What a wonderful five months it's been!) When he was born they were a very very dark blue, almost bordering on a charcoal colour. So beautiful. Now they sometimes look brown with dark blue around the outside, other times they look like they have a greenish hue. I'm excited to see what colour they will be in the end, but I don't want to wish away my next month with him in my excitement. So I just need to be patient and enjoy the wait.

Growing up, I always thought that I had brown eyes. Then towards the end of high school I decided that they were actually hazel. I often find that the colour changes depending on what I am wearing. Some days they look more brown, other days they look more green. In my recent obsession with eye colour, the other night I hauled a mirror out of my drawer in the bathroom and took a look mine again. They are actually brown around the pupil, and green around the outside. There is definitely more green there than brown. Now when I look at myself in the mirror all I see are green eyes staring back at me! DH's eyes are green, but a lighter green than mine. I wouldn't be surprised if BB has green eyes too. No matter what colour they are, he'll still be my beautiful baby boy.

How's a baby to sleep?

DH's alarm clock went off around 6am. Just like every other work morning. BB sometimes stirs, but quite often will fall back asleep. This morning I wasn't so lucky. The stirrings became more and more frequent, and more and more angry. I stumble out of bed to use the bathroom before getting the little man up for his diaper change and his good-morning feeding. When I stumble back into the bedroom and turn on the lamp, I discover BB on his belly (not surprising) with his left arm bent in the left arm of his sleeper, with his hand stuck somewhere in the mess. The arm of his sleeper was soaked. How's a baby to soothe himself back to sleep if he can't get to his two fingers?

Goals & Objectives

For whatever reason, I feel that I need to start this blog by stating my goals and objectives. Perhaps this goes back to my school days where you review this at the beginning of each course. Perhaps it's me just needing a purpose for everything. Maybe I just feel this needs an introduction of some sort before launching into whatever I feel like talking about. This won't be nearly as organized as the goals and objectives listing that we used to receive in school though!

I have an admission to make - this isn't the only blog. However, the 'other' blog isn't meant for everyone's eyes. It's where I seem to hide the negativity. (For those of you that know me, you know that I don't usually hide the negativity! That means that the 'other' blog must be very bad!) Although I'm sure that the negativity will also enter this blog, I'd prefer to not dwell on it all the time here. I'd prefer to keep this one for notes about my family, friends, things I find interesting, random thoughts and opinions, etc. And the other one will be saved for the more personal stuff that I still need to get off my chest, but don't necessarily want shared with everyone. I have to admit, as honest as I intend to be in this blog, I'm sure I will very much be displaying my 'public face'.

I'm not setting any requirements of myself for this... If I only write twice a year, so be it. Life is stressful enough without adding more to the never ending to-do list!

I also need to mention, that my opinions stated in this blog are my opinions. I'm not looking for war. If you don't like it, please go read someone else's blog and ignore mine. Be a grown-up and walk away. I'm not asking anyone to read this stuff.

I was trying to find something meaningful to use as the name for this blog, which I found difficult. The 'other' blog is named after a line from BNL song that I particularly like. But I couldn't think of any meaningful lines from a BNL song that also gave me a positive feeling. Not that I think their songs are negative, but the ones I identify with the most are ones about not so positive things or feelings of inadequacy. Because I'm not ordinarily very creative with the words, I started thinking about other songs that have been in my head since BB joined our family in May. The Dixie Chicks have a song called "I Hope" that has really stuck with me. It does have religious references that I don't quite identify with but I do completely identify with the overall sentiment of the song, and feel it to be quite uplifting. So for now, the website address is http://hopeformorehappyeverafter.blogspot.com and I'm naming this Happily Ever After. Yes, I spent an entire evening after BB went to bed trying to come up with just the right name. I'm like that. Perhaps the name will change in time. Maybe I'll come up with something original.

I'm going to end with the lyrics to the song. This is what I hope for BB's life.

"I Hope"
Sunday morning, I heard the preacher say
Thou shall not kill
I don't wanna hear nothing else about killing
And that it's God's will

'Cause our children are watching us
They put their trust in us
They're gonna be like us
So let's learn from our history
And do it differently

I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, we'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly
And we can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope

Oh, Rosie, her man he gets too rough
That's all she can say, is he's a good man
He don't mean no harm
He was just brought up that way

But our children are watching us
They put their trust in us
They're gonna be like us
It's okay for us to disagree
We can work it out lovingly

I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, you'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, you'll have more happy ever after
I hope, you can all live more fearlessly
And you can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope

There must be a way to change what's going on
No I don't have all the answers

I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, we'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly
And we can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope

I hope, I hope, I hope

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dixiechicks/ihope.html

Indecision

I keep wavering on my thoughts regarding this blog. Part of me wants it to be available to the whole world. For some reason the exhibitionist in me likes the idea of some random person getting to see my innermost thoughts, but I hate the idea of having family and friends reading this, since I want to be honest without sugar coating my feelings. I also detest trying to not use names, etc.

I think I've come up with a solution that will work for me. I'm going to create a second blog for the stuff that I'm okay with sharing with the world, and continue to use this one for things that I just don't want to share with those I'm close, or semi-close with. I just selected to not have this blog show up in my profile... hopefully that will work. *crossing fingers*