Feeling Great!

Today has been a super fantastic day!  

DH came home from work early so he could take care of DS while I went into town to meet my manager and run a few errands.  It was my first trip out alone since before Christmas.  I didn't feel like I needed an outing by myself, but wow, it was surprisingly refreshing!  

My manager was very supportive this afternoon.  I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction from her!  She said that of course she would give me a reference if I choose not to return, but she is going to try to work something out for me so that I can work for them in the evenings.  The HR manager is South for the next couple of weeks, so my manager won't be able to work on a solution until she returns.  My manager even made it sound like I shouldn't even look for alternate work until I've heard back from them.  I told her that my plan is to keep an eye on job postings, and maybe put a few feelers out to see what sorts of places might be able to accommodate the schedule I'm looking for, but if I can maintain my relationship with them, I'd definitely prefer to do that, and will choose them over another employer as long as everything jives.  Definitely feeling good about this whole thing.  Hopefully they can come up with something that will work for both them and me.  

After my trip to the office, I picked up groceries.  Before DS arrived, DH and I almost always bought groceries together.  The last eight and a half months, DH has been doing all of the grocery shopping, with the odd exception where DS and I join him.  (I love love love the grocery store, BTW.)  I sooooo enjoyed getting groceries.  I've become much more frugal since the days before DS.  It was so much fun to price compare today and try to get the best bargain.  I've been trying to be more thrifty lately (especially since our income is going to dramatically decrease if I stay home in May!) 

At the grocery store today, inspiration struck!  I have our receipts from the past few weeks, so I'm going to create a database to keep track of how much things cost so that I'll know if something is actually on sale or if it's just the store trying to convince me to buy a particular product.  Feeling excited about this little project!

We've been wanting to pick up Cranium for a while now, and they had it at the grocery store for $25!  This kind of goes against my trying to be frugal, but it's a splurge we had already discussed, so I think I'm justified.  And I compared the price at Wal-Mart, and it was $33 there!  The price difference is crazy.  I'm very excited to add this game to our collection!

My final stop was a trip to Wal-Mart.  (Yes, I'm hanging my head in shame, but you do what you gotta do.)  I picked up six balls of Phentex to make a few pairs of slippers for my mother's slipper basket.  An elderly lady in line behind me asked me, "Is the yarn on sale?"  I told her that no, it wasn't, and she asked if I was making slippers.  I told her that yes, I was going to try making them.  She told me that she makes lots of them, and that they're really easy, you just have to know how to twist your yarn.  Twisting the yarn is the part I'm uncertain about.  I figure I can learn online how to do it, but I often get lost in the crap before I find what I'm looking for.  I told the lady that I hoped I could figure that part out.  She said that it's too bad I didn't live next door to her, because she could show me how to twist my yarn.  I laughed and said, "You don't live in XXXX Settlement do you?"  Totally joking.  Her response, "Well, yes I do."  Yep, turns out she just lives down the road from me.  Her last name?  XXXX.  The Settlement was named after her husband's family.  Small world.  She was so sweet.  She gave me her phone number to call her if I need help with the slippers.  How adorable is that?  Part of me just wants to ask her for help so I can get to know her a bit better.  (Unfortunately, I know what I'm like...  by the time I wake up tomorrow morning I'll have lost my nerve and will feel bad for bothering her--even though I know that she'd probably LOVE to help me.)

So, that is the low-down on my super-terrific day!  Oh, and two other high-lights:  1.  DS's third tooth officially arrived on the scene today; 2. My blog an 'official' follower now!  Welcome "McNair"!  :)  Thanks for visiting!

Decisions Decisions

DH and I decided Sunday night that I should contact my manager at work and ask to get together with her to let her know that I'm considering not returning.  Technically, I believe I don't have to let them know that I'm not returning until a month before I am due to resume employment with them.  But I don't feel right doing that.  Having been in a supervisory position, I understand that it's nice to have notice on these sorts of things, so you're not scrambling at the last minute to pick up the pieces.  

Before I had a chance to contact my manager yesterday, an email arrived from the HR manager asking me to confirm my return date.  Panic.

I wanted to approach them first.  And on my own.  Now it looks like I'm only contacting my manager because the HR manager cornered me.  

I was paralyzed in fear yesterday.  I'm ignoring the email from the HR manager, and I finally just emailed my manager a few minutes ago to ask if we can get together for a few minutes later this week to discuss a couple things.  

I keep asking myself if I'm crazy to give up my decent-paying job when so many people are losing their jobs right now.  It's so important to me to raise DS ourselves though.  I know that leaving the job is the right decision in respect to him...  as long as DH is able to keep his job, and I can come up with a way to earn the extra money we need to get us through each month.  I'm hoping that I might be able to work out something with my manager to work part-time evenings.  They did it for another employee who wanted to stay at home with her children, and then let her switch to days once her kids were in school.  The plan right now is to return to work once DS starts school, so it would be fantastic to keep my relationship with the place.  I'm sure that if they have the work available, they'd take me, but whether or not they do, and whether or not they want someone to do it in the evenings, is the question.  

I'm not above going back to my fast-food roots if it can work around our schedule.  Anything for my baby boy.

Friday Night Randoms

I made a second entry on Wednesday night, but deleted it the next day.  It felt like the gist of what I was feeling didn't come through at all.  It didn't even seem close.  I was hoping the words would start to flow a bit easier after I had been at this for a while, but it's not really happening.  I have been feeling frustrated with it all lately, but I don't plan on giving up.  

Last night I spent 2 hours and 20 minutes talking on the phone to one of my BFFs.  We hadn't had a phone convo since before Christmas; it was so incredibly nice to spend some time with her!  We would probably still be on the phone (almost 24 hours later!) but the battery in my phone died at the 140 minute mark.  Hopefully the weather will co-operate and we'll get to have a visit together soon!

BB woke up about 10 minutes before DH's alarm this morning.  Odd, since the alarm has been waking him up recently, and then he's been staying up for the day.  By some miracle I was able to get him to go back to sleep after he nursed, and he slept until 07:30.  And at 07:30 he was happy to play in his crib and chatter to himself for an additional 20 minutes, so I was able to take my sweet old time waking up.  I felt human today.  

I've been thinking I want to do one of those 100 random things about me entries.  I've seen them on a few blogs.  It might amuse me...  could even be a bit therapeutic.  I'm thinking it would also be very revealing.  ;o)

I deleted a few "friends" from FB today.  People who added me, and I accepted their request just because.  Same old song and dance... these people never did talk to me after adding me.  Just because I was a grade or two ahead of you in elementary school, doesn't really make us friends.  We're hardly acquaintances, and I wouldn't know you if I fell over you now.  Even as I was deleting these people, I had no desire to even creep on their page one last time (and I do love to creep.  I have no shame in admitting that.)  So really, if I'm that uninterested in their lives, why bother keeping them around?  If I don't go back to work, I have some more folks that will be taken out in the next round.  They've only had my limited profile anyway, I just didn't want to hurt their feelings by not accepting their request.  Bye-bye friends.  

Today I started working on a Christmas present for next year.  I always thought that those slipper baskets that people kept next to their door were gross.  For some reason, people with those things are so insistent that you put on a pair of slippers when you enter their house.  A couple years ago one of my friends received a slipper basket full of hand knitted slippers as a Christmas present.  It was a gift she wanted; I shuddered at the thought.  Then I visited her before Christmas, and she gave me a pair of slippers to put on.  My feet were cold.  The slippers made them warm.  I'm now a convert.  It helps that she is a very clean person.  I know that the slippers I was putting on were clean, and that they'd be washed after I wore them.  It grosses me out to think that I might be given a pair of pre-worn slippers to wear, and that someone else might be wearing them again after me.  It seems too much like a bowling alley!  Anyway, my mother has mentioned that she would like a slipper basket.  I've mentioned before that I really need to cut back even more next year at Christmas, so this will be an excellent gift for her.  Hand made, inexpensive, but something she wants.  Sweet.   But I'm not the world's fastest knitter, so I'm starting now so I can have several pairs ready by Christmas.

It's almost 22:00... time to get to bed.  Nighty-night.

Some People Never Change

**Note:  I posted this on my public blog last night, but decided to move it to this blog (currently private) rather than risking offending anyone.  Not that I think this person is reading my blog, but you never know...

I find it amazing how some people never change.  Even after a decade and a half, they are still the same person...  Self absorbed, all about themselves.  Yet after a decade and a half, I still can't help but like them.  But I wish they would want to hear my stories from the last fifteen years.  I guess my stories aren't filled with the heartache and scandal their stories have been filled with, so they wouldn't be nearly as interesting.  Really, who wants to hear stories about happiness and love?  Most people don't want to.  And maybe because my overall story is a happy one, I don't readily share it.  Even on here, I don't seem to post most of deepest, happiest moments.  I don't have the words to describe them.  I can only share the facts, and describe my emotions with plain words like happy or sad.  Maybe if I had a more flowery way of writing I'd be able to share those deeper thoughts.

I'll keep liking them, and if we meet again, I'll once again listen to their stories.  

Another milestone

It's official.  He's crawling.  On hands and knees.  But only when he's naked.  He must need the extra grip of the bare knees against the floor.  It's so adorable to watch.  I love my little monkey.

All Mushy Inside

This afternoon there was a poopy diaper.  I anticipated a struggle to keep BB on his back.  He used to try to play with the jar of ihle's paste whenever I'd leave the room to wash up after a diaper change, and I'd always snatch it away from him.  I have an empty jar of it in his room (I've been too lazy to clean up the container to be recycled) so I gave it to him to play with while I got the poopy diaper off and cleaned him up.  It worked!  As soon as I had the last bit of poo residue wiped off, up he sprang, like a jack-in-the-box.  I decided just to go with it; after all, there was no huge rush in getting a new diaper on and getting him dressed again.  So what does he do as soon as he sits up?  He holds out the jar so I could have a nibble too.  Awwwwww!  And that is how you make my heart melt.  

A great reminder to me to stop and smell the roses.  Quell that sense of urgency.  Let BB be a baby.  The surprises are worth it.

A Simpler Time

I remember not too long ago, BB would scream like a stuck pig when you tried to put him on his belly... or in any other position other than being on his back.  These days, life is a bit more complicated.  He screams like a stuck pig when you try to put him on his back.  This is a full-out temper tantrum.  Screaming, crying, kicking, writhing.  It's making diaper changes a bit challenging.  I'm managing to get his diapers off while he's sitting up, and I've been pre-assembling the velcro on his covers so I can just pull them on like pants, but I still need him to lay on his back so I can get the actual diaper on him, and to adjust the cover to fit properly.  Changing him sitting up doesn't work if his diaper is full of poo though. 

This is our first real conflict.  I'm trying to compromise with him, and trying not to turn diaper changes into a huge ordeal.  Unfortunately, he doesn't understand compromise, reason, or even words yet.  Luckily, as soon as we're done, and he's free to sit up or wriggle around on his tummy, his smile returns and we both are happy again.  

Fab Weekend

I should be heading to bed (stayed up waaaay too late last night, and am paying for it today!) but I had to record my weekend first.  It's one of those weekends where everything has felt good, and rather than feeling sad it's over, I'm happy that it's been so lovely.  

Spent Saturday with N.  She came over for lunch and hung out for the afternoon.  She made the yummiest sandwiches for us (yes, she often brings food to my house.  Am I ashamed?  Nope.  It's part of what makes her a BFF) and then to make it even better, we even had dessert sandwiches too!  Very neat stuff.  It was a wonderful laid back day...  we thumbed through cookbooks, played with BB, I finished off a knitting project, and most importantly, ate and drank coffee.  :)

Saturday night DH and I played Scrabble.  Last weekend when we played, both N and I had a seven letter word that we could have started the game with.  Well, it happened to me again last night!  Sweet.  Obviously, I kicked some DH butt after that.  :)  Oh, one downside to our game of Scrabble...  Fluffy had eaten some poocicles before joining us for the game, and spent most of his time with us choking and gagging on them.  The kitchen smelled great.  *shudder*

BB actually slept through the night last night (20:00 - 06:00); too bad I didn't go to bed until 00:00.  And DH didn't come to bed until almost 02:30, so it made for a very short night.  But at least BB didn't wake up at 04:00!

This morning we visited my brother & his g/f for a little while.  BB was a bit fussy (I think tooth # 3 might be on the way) so we didn't stay much longer than 90 minutes, but it was still nice to visit them, and to get out of the house for a little bit.  

On the way home we stopped by McD's for some 'emergency' lunch.  We had a lunch planned here at home, but we were both hungry, so we caved.  BB was asleep for the stop at the restaurant, the trip home, and continued to sleep while we ate, so we were able to justify it by saying that at least he didn't see us eating it.  (Our goal is to not let him know McD's even exists until he hears about it from someone else...  Get as much goodness into him before he discovers the crap food out there!)  

This afternoon the three of us had some wonderful family time.  Lots of playtime in the living room.  It seems that the evenings are so rushed with chores, etc. we don't have a lot of time for the three of us to hang out, so this afternoon felt good.  

DH made a very neat Pork and Bean Enchilada thingy... Mmmm... looking forward to the leftovers!  I thought the recipe seemed sketchy, and the salsa that accompanied it seemed even sketchier, but OMG, was I wrong.  Sometimes being wrong is nice. Never thought I'd say that!

A Little Bit of Sleep

It's been my mission this week to try to start feeling human again.  I've been staying up far to late each night, and then have to get up once during the night with BB, and he's been getting up around 06:00 each morning.  So this week, I've been trying to get to bed by 21:00; 22:00 at the latest.  Early in the week I even skipped pumping and caught a 30 minute nap while he had his morning nap.  And then the night before last happened... the one where he wouldn't sleep in his own bed happened.  If I didn't feel like a complete zombie before, I certainly did after that night!  So my mission that yesterday was to sleep whenever he slept.  During his morning nap, I think I managed to fall asleep before he did.  And by some miracle his afternoon nap lasted 2.75 hours (amazing, since they've only been an hour lately) and I managed to sleep for about two of those hours!  And last night I was in bed by 22:00.  Today I feel like a new person.  

This has been an important reminder that I really do need to take care of myself.  It's been complete selfishness and stupidity keeping me up at night.  Do I really need to sit here checking FB, reading blogs, writing blog entries, sending emails, etc. every night.  No, the world isn't going to stop just because I'm not checking in.  But it's so nice to connect with people and feel like I'm a part of a community.  

I've never been an overly social person.  But once we got Fluffy, all that changed.  We were suddenly going to obedience classes and joining dog sports, making all kinds of friends along the way.  And that new 'social' me also started making friends outside of the doggy circle as well, I started running and exercising, and I was going out to dinner with all of these friends, or planning a run followed by a trip to the coffee shop, or an evening of aquacize followed by a late night trip for some food to fill our exercised bellies, or making day trips to visit them.  Over the last eight months all of that has come to a grinding halt.  I have NO complaints.  I secretly longed for the days when life was a bit quieter and I actually got to spend time at home.  But all that being said, it's still nice to feel like I'm a part of a community, and getting that feeling through the Internet is a safe, convenient way for me to achieve that. 

However, these last few days have been a huge reminder that even though I'm not out and about doing a million things, I can still get run down.  I'm not the only one relying on me.  BB needs me to be on my game.  He's learning so fast right now, I can't be zombie-like.  I was alert today, and I noticed a difference in him.  I stood him up in front of the living room chair and showed him how to hold on to keep himself up and steady.  Next thing I knew, he was trying to climb up the front of the couch to stand on his own.  Then he was trying to climb everything in the living room.  He learned from what I showed him.  Earlier in the week, I didn't have the energy to even think of trying to help him along.  

All that being said, it's almost 22:00.  Time for me to hit the hay.  Good night, Internet.  

Eight Months

I say this every month, heck, I say it every day, but where is the time going?  My baby boy is eight months old today.  My life changed forever eight months ago today.  

This past month he's grown and changed so much!  He now tries to "share" whatever he happens to be chewing on at the moment.  He doesn't want me to take it, but he holds it out so I can have a little nibble at it (tonight it was the string to my hoodie, earlier today it was the pig that goes with his Shape Sorting Barn).  Already he's learning to share!  

When we're playing together on the living room floor, every so often he'll scoot over to me, press his body against mine and hold it for a few seconds, and then scoot off again.  He also will reach for me when we're playing on the floor so I can pick him up and give him a snuggle.  I think this is the beginning of affection.  I'm not sure if he's giving it, or taking it.  I'm willing to wager he's taking, I don't think he's old enough to think of anyone else's feelings but his own.  But either way, it's very cool that he knows he can come to mommy for a bit of love whenever he feels the need.

He's now also a momma's boy.  :)  He cries when I leave the room.  If someone else is holding him and I come near, he will practically leap from their arms into mine.   And if I'm not close enough for the leap?  He cries.  But if I'm out of sight, I'm usually out of mind.  Which is good.

Tooth # 2 arrived this past month!  

He is now giving high-fives!  How cool is that?

Even cooler?  When we read to him, he turns the pages of the book for us!  When we ask him to.  Sometimes he even knows when to do it on his own.  :)

He now tries to talk.  When we repeat a word for him, he'll sometimes try to say it himself.  He's done a very good job of repeating the words 'apple' and 'daddy'.  He has to be in the right mood for this though!

We had to lower his crib to the second lowest setting because he was getting closer and closer to being able to pull himself up. 

He can now move himself back into a sitting position when he's laying on the floor.  He can also move pretty quickly using his "Wounded Soldier Shuffle", as DH calls it.  He digs in with his left elbow and pushes himself wherever he wants to go.  His right hand helps to pull him a little bit, and his legs have started wiggling wildly when he's doing the shuffle.  I think he knows that the legs can help to make him go faster, but he hasn't quite figured out how yet.  It's obvious that he's loving the freedom of being able to put himself into positions that are comfortable for him, and the freedom of being able to explore the house.  Nothing is safe anymore. 

All of this has just happened in the last month.  It's been a busy month with the holidays, and all of these new developments!  

We're in the middle of a cold spell, so we haven't been leaving the house too often.  I'm hoping that one day it will snow on a day that DH is home too so that we can test out the sled that my parents bought for BB in the fall.  So far it's only been used as a prop for his six month pictures! 

BB woke up shortly after 23:00 last night, and even after a diaper change and a feeding, he refused to go back to sleep in his own crib.  I tried holding him until he fell asleep, but as soon I tried to put him back in the crib, he'd start screeching again.  So instead of letting him get too upset, I just brought him into bed with us.  It didn't make for a very good sleep for me, since I was aware of his presence all night, but it's better than the screaming, and it's good that one of us is aware that he's there so we can keep an eye on him.  

The past eight months have been the best of my life.  :)

**Note:  Edited a couple of times to add a few more things that BB has started doing this past month!  There's so many of them; I don't want to forget a thing!

Meh

I'm having a super blah day.  Blah blah blah.  Poor BB must think I'm the most boring mommy in the world today.

BB slept the whole night, which was nice, especially since I was actually in bed and asleep before 22:00.  But he was up by 05:30 this morning, and had no intentions of going back to sleep until his first nap.  I tried to nap during his second nap today, but his nap only lasted about 50 minutes, so I only caught a 20 minute cat nap.  I was hoping to have some energy for hanging out with DH tonight, but I guess it's a lost cause.  

I think I need to spend some time in the kitchen.  Okay, I spend 90% of my time in the kitchen.  But I need to spend some time doing something that I really enjoy.  Baking Therapy.  I haven't really made anything since before Christmas.  Now that I've eaten up all of the things I really enjoy that were leftover from Christmas, I think it's safe to make more goodies.  I don't make cookies very often, but I really enjoyed making a couple batches for Christmas.  Maybe that's what I need to do.  Maybe it would perk me up.  Unfortunately, supper has to go into the oven in about ten minutes, so I won't be doing the cookie thing today.  

DH mentioned last night that he'd like to collaborate on a meat pie.  I've never had it, but wouldn't mind trying one.  I'll do the pastry and he'll take care of the filling.  I'm looking forward to that.  

Kitty had his surgery today to remove his two bad teeth.  Hopefully he's doing okay.  DH will be picking him up on his way home tonight.  It's been odd today without him around.  

Thinking

I hope that setting boundaries will help remove barriers.

Kitty Update

Kitty is going to be okay.  The vet believes he has an infected tooth, so now we just have to figure out a way to get this crazy amount of antibiotics into him.  I succeeded with the first dose, by wrapping it in Tonic Lax.  I don't think I should do that with all the doses though; otherwise, we might have a very messy problem on our hands.  The vet thinks the infected tooth, and a second tooth that is a bit loose, should come out.  Looks like January won't be a good month for Kitty.

Oh, and he pooped and peed in his crate going to, and coming home from the vet.  I accused DH of scaring the sh*t out of him.  Yeah, I know, it was an obvious joke.

Poor Kitty!

I was just thinking last night that I've been leaving more negativity in my blog than I'd like.  I'm okay with some, life isn't all sunshine and roses, but it seems that this has become more of a place to vent than anything else.  Venting isn't bad, but my original intention was to write about positive things.  More recently, I've been thinking that I'll try meet myself in the middle on the issue.  In my blog ponderings last night, I thought it would be neat to do a post introducing all of my critters, sharing the story of how they each came into my life.  And then today happened...

About half an hour ago, I came upstairs to discover Kitty (not his real name of course!  but since there's only one kitty in my house, Kitty works for him.) laying in his basket coughing.  

Side story here:  The basket is a new obsession for him.  When I came home from the hospital with BB, laundry got behind.  Then DH took over the laundry duties, and all of the dirty laundry became clean laundry lying around our bedroom in baskets.  One particular basket had a few blankets in it, and Kitty would sneak into our room (he was no longer allowed in our room because I was worried he might try to hurt BB, who was now rooming with us) and sleep in the basket.  After being chased out of our room numerous times, he eventually gave up his love affair with the basket.  Until recently, that is.  Yes, the basket of blankets still exists... because they need to be re-washed, and they're not really top-priority right now.  I've become a bit more lax about letting him in our room again.  He isn't allowed in there alone with BB while BB is sleeping, but he is allowed to hang out some, and has fallen in love with the basket again.  The other night when we were putting BB to bed, we moved Kitty, basket and all, into the hallway and the basket of blankets has been there ever since.

So back to my original story...  he's lying in his basket coughing.  I stop to give him a pet (he has long hair, so it's not unusual for him to have a furball) and discover he has what appears to be a mouthful of blood and it's running out of the side of his mouth.  Eek.  I called DH at work with the "what do I do?!" panic.  By then Kitty had stopped coughing and came out of the basket.  A few minutes later he was on the floor coughing again, practically laying down as if he couldn't stand.  Long story short, we have an appointment at the vet for 4pm.  Which means DH has to come home from work early, skip out on buying our groceries for the week, and drive all the way to Islandview with a cat who screams and pees every time he's in the car.  You might be thinking, "Well, yeah, that's what you do for your animals."  And I agree.  But he's not really DH's cat.  He's my cat.  I've had him longer than I've had DH!  DH doesn't even remotely like him.  Not even remotely.  But I can't deal with how he attacks the vet and the vet's assistant, etc... I am usually on the verge of tears the entire time I'm there because I hate to see him so miserable.  

I've tried inspecting him and can't tell if he was coughing the blood or if he's lost another tooth.  (He's probably close to 12 years old and has lost a few teeth before.)  So I had to settle for just giving him a nice brushing to try to make him look as pretty as possible for the vet... and to try to get some of the blood off his little chin. 

Hopefully it's nothing major, but I don't think DH will be too impressed with me if the cat isn't really sick.  He hasn't coughed now for at least half an hour... if I hadn't come upstairs when I did, I wouldn't know that anything was wrong.  

So, the story on how Kitty came into my life:  (might as well start with him since he's on my mind!)

February 1999, my boyfriend (remember, this is pre-DH) and I decided we were going to get a cat.  I was done college and working at my first full-time job, and he was still in school.   We were living in SJ, and the Animal Rescue League was too far away for us to visit, since we didn't have wheels.  However, at the time Pets Unlimited didn't seem to be the evil puppy-mill selling store that it is these days, and they had cats from ARL for adoption.  So we went in, and they had two kitties, both grey and white with long hair.  One was a female, about six or seven, and the other was a male, about a year and a half old.  We opted for the male (I forget our reasons now, probably had something to do with age though).  We were told that he would give "love bites" sometimes, but it wasn't anything major.  Turned out that "love bites" are actually full-on leg attacks around 10:00 each night, and hand bites after he has been petted for approximately 45 seconds.  But that was okay.  Our first hurdle was the apartment people.  They needed extra damage deposit money in order to allow us to have him and a letter from the ARL saying we were adopting him.  The ARL needed a letter from the apartment indicating we were allowed to have him in the apartment.  It was all very frustrating, and I decided to walk away, because Red Tape really ticks me off (especially when you're trying to do something good!)  Luckily, the b/f knew how badly I wanted Kitty, so he took care of all that nonsense (I know, there's a reason for it all, but they made it pretty hard to help out a poor little Kitty!) and he came home with us on February 15, 1999, as my Valentine's Day gift.  

When my b/f and I broke up, I kept custody of Kitty, and he and I moved back to Freddy at the end of May 1999.  He's lived in a few apartments and a couple houses with me since.  He even temporarily moved back to SJ with me at one point.  

Kitty and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary together in February.  And hopefully everything will be okay when he sees the vet today.  

How to Hurt My Feelings

I've finally uploaded a pic of myself.  It's a bit abstract, but it's me.  I wanted to put something there, but wasn't really comfortable putting an actual pic of myself up for all of the Internet to see.  I'm sure a lot of people who know me would be able to figure out it's me writing this stuff just by the stuff I say, and all of the DH and BB references, and that's fine, but I don't really want to scream to the world, "Hey, it's me!  Read the stuff I don't want to tell you in real life!"  ;o)

The pic is taken from a silly pic that I took of myself with my brother in the summer.  I cropped him out and changed the colour to B&W, and did some sort of movie effect to it.  Anyway, the result was exactly what I had in mind.  It looks very stereotypical though, and that kind of makes me laugh.  So just for a joke today, I sent the pic to DH over MSN with a message saying, "am i seksy?  lol."  I was expecting him to laugh at me.  Maybe even say, "sure" just to appease me.  The response I received?  "you used to be"  WTF???  Ouch.  Nice thing to say to your wife.  I sent him a bunch of question marks, and he said, "that picture is not hot for me"  Well, la tee da.  

I know I was just doing it to be silly, but it hurt. Ever since then, I've been wondering when things changed for him.  Or maybe all he was talking about was the picture.  I couldn't ask for any more detail from him; I was too upset.  I just tried to brush it off and sent a couple messages about the specials this week at the Superstore, but he never replied again.  I ended up taking BB down to the bedroom for a cuddle and a cry.  BB looked at me like I was crazy (I guess he probably doesn't remember the first month of his life when I cried non-stop!) and then... get this...  he LAUGHS AT ME!  Kick me while I'm down!  I know he probably thought I was just being my usual silly self, trying to make him laugh but at the time it only made me cry more!  

I usually don't have body confidence issues.  I lost a bunch of weight before I got pregnant, and looked fantastic.  There's only one thing about myself that I wish I could change, but I don't have the money or the guts, so I'll always have my crooked teeth.  I gained 60 lbs while I was pregnant, and I looked like a beached whale.  But I've lost all of that weight.  I'm not toned like I was, but that will come with a bit of effort.  Tonight though, I'm wondering, am I completely unsexy?

Now I'm left wondering, should I try to put myself out there and find my sexy again and risk being told that I'm not, or should I just continue being the frumpy mom in jeans that are too big for her, a lumpy hoody sweatshirt, a little pony tail, and a headband?  At this point, I'm opting for the safe bet.  

Get Out of My Head!

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Old Blog

I really hate finding abandoned blogs.  It's not so bad if the last post indicates that the person has decided to no longer post in the blog.  At least that gives the blog a conclusion, rather than leaving you to wonder if they patched up that fight with their BFF, or if everything went okay with the birth of their child, or whether they got that promotion they were hoping for.

I've mentioned before that I've been trying to decide what to do with my first attempt at a blog.  I originally planned to keep the old blog and this new one, but I have given up on my original intention for this new blog and am letting everything hang out here.  I had been considering importing the posts from the old blog into this blog, but that just didn't feel right.  So, in an effort to avoid contributing to the abandoned blog phenomenon, I've switched the old blog to invited readers only, and since there are no invited readers, no one will be stumbling upon it and thinking, "Wow, yet another abandoned blog."  

If anyone is reading this, you're probably thinking, "This is SO not blog-worthy!"  But, it's been on my mind.  Yet another pesky little problem that I needed to find a perfect solution to.  And I think this solution is as perfect as I'm going to get.  Now it's time to move on.  

2009 Kick-Off

Today I received my invite to the 2009 kick-off of my company's bonus program.  It's a real big deal.  They wrap up the prior year and roll out the initiatives for the year.  I had been planning on attending, in case I do return to work in May, but when the invite hit my inbox my stomach turned.  I just declined.  I don't think I can handle people asking when I'm going to return, and listening to their stories about the place, and making jokes about me returning sooner.  I'll cry.  I almost cried when I saw the email in my inbox.  I can't go back.  Not now, not in May.  I mentioned something about a pot of gold in my post earlier today.  It can appear any time now.  Seriously.

Back to Normal

It's been a wonderful couple of weeks.  I've loved having DH home with us.  I wish we could find a pot of gold in our backyard so we could be home as a family all the time.  

We're back to our usual routine today.  DH has returned to work (well, he returned Friday for part of the day), BB's napping, I'm wondering how long BB's nap will last and if I should try to accomplish anything else during his nap, or if he'll only wake up once I begin a new task.  It took him quite a while to fall asleep this morning.  I've already had enough time to minimally clean myself up for the day, pump, and chopped veggies for the chicken stew I'm making for BB.

I found out last night that a friend who had a baby four days before BB was born is 12 weeks pregnant again.  I'm jealous.  Happy for her, but the jealousy is overriding that.  

Looking forward to supper tonight.  Over the holidays DH made Arroz Con Pollo and froze both of them, since we had lots of leftovers to eat on the night we were supposed to have the ACP.  So we still have a second one in the freezer for another time.  I just remembered that we still have a turkey pot pie from earlier in December in the freezer too.  Sweet.  

I saw an article in the January Chatelaine today about ways to save money.  A lot of the tips listed I had heard before, but a new-to-me idea was to skip buying groceries a week each month.  This seems like a pretty decent idea, but you miss out on getting fresh fruits & veggies by doing this.  We did something similar the week before Christmas.  We decided to make all of our meals from things in our freezer and items we had on hand.  We seem to accumulate food when it's on sale, or make things ahead (like the turkey pot pie) to have on hand for when we might need a quick meal, but then it all gets lost in the abyss of our pantry or freezer.  We did buy some groceries, because we still needed a few fresh items, but we spent significantly less that week which was nice since Christmas isn't exactly easy on the wallet, no matter how hard we may try.  

Speaking of Christmas costing too much, we did a fantastic job of cutting back this year.  And by "we", I actually mean "I".  My brother and his girlfriend did a great job too.  You could tell they put thought into our gifts and didn't go overboard at all.  Right now, I'm feeling very motivated to try to make some gifts for Christmas next year.  There are lots of great things I can knit to give to people, and I have a considerable stash of yarn here, so if I can find the right patterns to work with my stash, I should be all set.  I'm hoping that I don't lose my motivation between now and next Christmas, and that I will have the guts to give my handmade items as gifts.  I had a hard time giving the Booga Bags to my friends this year because I was so worried they wouldn't like them.  It's bad enough having someone not like the gift you've given then, but it's even worse when it's something you've laboured over!

Last night DH and I cracked open a brand new game of Skip-Bo.  We must have bought it during our Skip-Bo obsession several years ago, but never opened it, just kept playing the old tattered game.  We ended up playing three games (he won 2:1) and now I want to play again!  Perhaps the crib board is going to be packed away for a while?

This has been pretty random.  :)

Do I Really Want to Share?

DH knows I've been reading lots of blogs lately.  Today he asked me if I've started my own yet.  It's not like I'm going to lie about it.  So of course I told him yes.  And he mentioned something about wanting to read it, or being interested in reading it... something to that effect.  *sigh*  I have nothing to hide from him, but if I know that someone I am so close with is reading, I worry that I won't continue to be true to myself with my posts.  And I worry that he'll think I'm posting about particular things as a way of trying to bring up a subject with him that I can't bring up in person, or as a way of getting at him for something.  All ready I've questioned whether I should even be writing this.